"hmm hmm. Where was it..."
"Oh!
Nearly Midnight News! There I put it! Right under my mechamagical rock
this nice gnome made for me...has a strange bit of string on it...I'll
check that out later - anyways!"
"This
is the Nearly Midnight News, and I am cutting it close this time! Due
to certain legal issues, we cannot claim the title of Anchor until
further notice."
"In
breaking news, the Nerian Faction, We The Dead, issues a worldwide
recall on all Arasai units! A potentially fatal flaw has surfaced, and
all battery packs are found to be defective. In instances of low charge,
the arasai have been known to become homicidal and forget their own
names. In a press release, Cristanos is said to have cackled maniacally
for a good ten minutes before issueing threats regarding fingers and
removal. Never one to be outdone, the gnomish faction Clockomanic issued
a recall on everything. No one took them seriously."
"In
further news, Norrathwide transportation has broken down due to a small
mixup of griffons - it seems one was issued to fill all roles - all
traffic came to a halt for hours, backing up the needs of at least
three. When questioned, the griffon handlers made note of a lack of
pens, and seemed suspicious of Nearly Midnight News personnel. In a
rebuttal to no issued arguement, the NMN issued a thousand page
complaint, which most interested parties are using as bookmarks. The
remainder are using the pages for airplanes, origami, and paperweights."
"In
sports tonight, the Antonican Tennis Team was approached by Clockmanic
for an update to the sport. Now, instead of points if a player misses a
volley, they ball is designd to explode. Any complications are handled
by having an Arisai onhand to toss an explosive, to drive the point
home. The first match was good fun for all - sadly, the second
incorporated the new ball design. The team is looking for those who
might be interested in playing tennis."
"Fanciful
Pets and Monster Magazine has reviewed the new ridable pet, now three
times larger than the previous "leaper" class mounts. Initial field
testing has been interesting, though test subjects are getting hard to
find. Anyone interested in earning 500gold a day is advised to contact
them magazine for new opportunities"
"In
weather today, a vast storm blew up out of nowhere in the middle of the
Karan Seas. It never made landfall, and no one was particularly
interested in it. Someone suggested naming it - they have been
ostrasized.”
“The
scientific community is in a bit of a flurry today as the secret of
Void is discovered! After many failed attempts to figure out exactly
what it is, they caught the daughter of one lead scientist tossing ice
cream into the mix - void seems to be actually made of ice cream.
Clerics do not advise eating void, still, for unknown hazards."
"We
have rumor tonight of things happening - we are not sure what things,
or where, but we are ever watchful. We know you dun it, and we will find
you and question you to boost our ratings!"
"Due
to the amount of pens donated from yesterday's drive, Norrathian mail
has offered to never let us within 500 yards of a mailbox again - this
gracious move was delivered in writing by representatives of the Mail.
Remember, give your mailman ice cream... *grumble*"
"In a strange power play, Echs has overtaken a square marked by Oh for
attention - this shift in power is unlikely to lead to re-establishing
relations between the powers."A source close to the struggle has noted
that there was ink and lead everywhere."
"In
happier news, it has been observed that there are many happier people
in Norrath once The Society started putting drugs into the water supply.
When everyone feels good, our ratings skyrocket - this makes us very
pleased. This is Folodu Amrunrosse, your host. Thank you for enjoying -
we assume - Nearly Midnight News."
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