"shall we...come up with some nearly-midnight news?"
"Good evening and Welcome to the Nearly-midnight news! Top story of the night!"
Lowgan says , "TONIGHT!! ON Norrathian News at 11.. Varric hosts a ball where a dunkard breaks a man's face. "
"Varric's
ball! The anticipation built up through the evening as it was never
announced! And yes, at said ball, a brawl! Presumably, there was Honor
at stake! Though really, that is pure conjecture... Also! Intrigue and
People! We go live to Lowgan, who interprets the event in dance! *waits
for lowgan to dance* Yes - many were upset at the loss of Honor..."
Lowgan
says , "-the room darkens and stage lights show only Lowgan who is
wearing a dancer's catsuit.. He gallops around with twirls like a
drunken ballerina then slugs Folodu right in the nose... Taking a bow
the lights go off-"
"*holds a napkin to face* Ow...and that is the news at the ball..."
"Elsewhere,
Anashti Sul makes a powerplay and opens chaos upon Norrath - several
Voidbeasts have been seen raiding the streets of all major cities. In
response, the coalition of Tradesfolk in Freeport rallied together to
make scarves for the injured."
Xsii says , "Lies! There are no void beasts in Halas."
"No one goes to Halas anyways *makes stuff up*"
Xsii says , "Lies. Its full of people here. One can barely breathe!"
Lowgan says , "Full of Smurfs. No one loves them"
Lowgan says , "Smurfs.. Tiny blue stubby people"
"What's a smurf? Can you eat it?"
Arquenniel says , "I hear they give you horrible indigestion"
"*tosses
the napkin away, her nose still bleeding* In response to the scarves,
and not wanting to be outdone, the Seafuries launched a full scale
carolling. No one would understand the drunks, and quickly locked their
doors."
“In
other news, the Queen, Antonia Bayle, has been seen hosting parties of
enormous proportion, inviting thousands into her realm to "play", as it
was put. Many suspect either a cult activity or other unseemly things.
An investigation is being launched to determine whether there is
"something afoot" or if everything is "jolly roger" - the investigation
team might face some challenges."
"The
goblin Fazfanakt died today during strife involving a stolen item of
some value. The claim has been disputed, though no one wants to claim
responsibility. Sources close to the subject all tried to eat our
replacement pen, which was stolen during yesterday's auction. The pen, a
cheap knockoff, was stolen by the Hooligan's guild. No ransom has yet
come forth. The goblin is survived by a rather large family - a funeral
is not yet planned."
"*static*
*static* over the Steppes today as a tornado ripped through a stack of
hay. The local farm boys will be collecting it for many minutes. On
other parts of Norrath, astronamers are beginning to suspect the weather
might all be controlled by a central source, known as Es Oh Eee. We are
not entirely sure where this entity might be, but we suspect their
weather is nice a and balmy"
"In
sports today, the rugby association decide the new uniforms would be
issued tutus. The rugby teams smiled and blush and said "thank you very
much”. They then proceeded to pound eachother into the ground. It was a
good day."
"The
ship that was adrift from a stolen anchor the other day has been
recovered - news teams are staying away from the investigation. "That is
the Nearly-midnight news. I am Folodu, and this is all nonsense."
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