"News, news, something about news... Oh! Nearly Midnight snack! Er...news! Now where did I... There it is."
"In
tonight's news, Loki has broken out of the magical realm of "movie" and
"myth" to wreak havoc on my papers. The situation will be dealt
with...just as...soon as...pen! A pen! *dances*"
"Alright!
In today's news, the sultanate of Maj'Dul has hung it's head in shame
as the Court of Coin demands all towers belonging to rival factions be
eliminated. The people were very confused at this, as the Coins own all
towers in the city. After several minutes of loitering, rioting broke
out, and extensive damage was done to a nearby sand dune. Five rioters
were sicced by the local Sha'ir, and twenty were peppered - one is said
to have commented that "cheyenne makes everything better! Afterwards,
skeptics ate a cayenne pepper and immediately had to be rushed to a
medic, who issued a glass of milk and bread, and muttered. Damages are
said to reach at least as high as five gold."
"In
other news, the Nearly Midnight News issues an apology about our goblin
story yesterday. It was not a goblin, but in fact a small ninja,
disguised as a toad. There will be no further mention of this tonight."
"Author
Xsii launches her highly-anticipated and highly-profitable book line,
"Bree - the Sun of his Heart". Audiences received their first copies
today, which were all offset at the printers and had to be recalled. The
book is said to be a love story behind Bree and the antagonist Shalir -
who were mortal rivals since childhood, and who grow quite fond of each
other. We are fairly certain that is the premise anyways - the Nearly
Midnight News has received no donation, and cannot afford pens... If you
would like to donate pens to the Nearly Midnight News, please place all
pens without stamp, envelope, or address, into the nearest Norrathian
mailbox. The author, Xsii, might receive some of them, and they might be
well received, as she works on volume XI."
"In
sports today, the Rugby teams of Freeport squealed in joy as the Nerian
ambassador presented them with a new ball made entirely of feet. It is
noted by several players after their first match that it was "kind of
creepy", and were "concerned that the ball kicks back". The Nerians were
thrilled to watch as the team was chased about the field by said ball.
Incidently, authorities are on the lookout of a small spherical object
that has been kicking citizens in Freeport tonight. Anyone with
information is advised to contact the local Knights or Militia to
resolve this as swiftly as possible."
"It
is almost time for the yearly charity drive in Qeynos - a festive day
that runs several thousand platinum marks to run ricksaws around the
city for a day. Last year's fair made 10gold 15silver33copper. There is
much anticipation that they might add a third to that this year. Asked
to comment, the local organizers had this to say: "Oh, tis a great
blarmy time what be had be all! Say, you wouldna care fer a ride, would
ye?" It was a thrilling way to see the bright city. One reporter even
noted a Lady reading the Bree book, or possibly Necromancy 101 - they
were travelling by rickshaw at the time, and the cover looked right for
either."
"This is Folodu Amrunrosse, and I lost the rest of the news. Thank you for tuning into the Nearly Midnight News."
"*bows and hits head on newsdesk*"
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