The Vigiles Amicae is a roleplaying guild in Everquest 2, on the Freeport and Antonia Bayle Servers.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Nearly Midnight News July 18

"So - let's see..."

Koehki says, "folo! <3"

"Oh no! She's here! Get her!"

Tajar says, "*Throws the pen with the neckstring at Folodu*"

Koehki says, "*hides*"

"*blinks and takes the neckpen* Oh...Darn - that's right. That's me again..."

Tajar says, "Now you can’t lose it so easily"

"I had one! I swear I did! Karmac can testify! So, yes, news. What have we...*holds up a bear trap* Not news, but comedic possibilities abound.

Slipps says, "needs cheeses fors baits, yis!"
Taelae says, "If we don't get NWN, I say we hand Fol over to Khimyra"
Slipps says, "fors depantsings?"

"Ack! My pants! Not my pants! I have news! Just not news about bear traps!"

"Welcome to the Nearly Midnight News, No Tutus edition! In fact, I can tell you no bear traps were harmed in the making of this news!"

Tregarde says, "Is it nearly midnight already?"

"It is! And so, we have Nearly Midnight News, sans beartraps, and sans tutus!"
Tajar says, "But with pens!"
"We do have pens! We are sure not to lose these pens. Unless the need to go streaking should arise."

Jethal says, "Streaking is always a possibility"
Taelae says, "I heard a rumor that Jethal went streaking in Qeynos."
Jethal says, "Its no rumour.. the Jethal streaks as the Jethal wishes.  I've streaked everywhere."

"And with that, time to launch straight into the thing that everyone has heard about and no one has been talking about, the Festival of Unity. Today's events include Skindancing, where a bunch of necromantic druids get together and put on a ballet with their zombies, a Rat Race, where the pied piper tromps through Qeynos, and the rather ... unifying High Jump. Wherein a fae pushes people off of a plank. Fifty yards off the ground. Yes, we are all unified in our hate for fae tonight."

"So! first up! For the skin dance, a rather late entry is our winner, making a zombie dance an halfling jig for a full minute before it fell apart! Because Necromancers are not welcomed, they were all arrested, and the guards are the winners. Go guards!"

"In our Rat Race, our winner seems to be a Ratonga from the little city of Warren, part of the giant tunnel network under Norrath. This same Tonga also won the dueling competition, and goes by the name Toxulon."

Toxulon says, "Yays for Warrens!"

"*grins* I would have a prize, but I am informed that if I give away this pen, Bad Things Will Happen. For our last contest, NMN staff went on scene and tried to see what was going on. It - ended badly, and I am glad we push our people off of cliffs often. Learn how to take a fall, that's our motto...for now."

"We seem to have a surplus of mottos lately. Anyone in need, please, feel free to pay ridiculous sums of money for one."

"So! The High Jump, Which Really Should Be Called The Try To Kill You Shove. We have one winner, a guard from Windstalker by the name of Gonterdye. This brave guard was keeping watch when a young boy, who appeared to be Qho, was seen being pushed off the cliff. The guard leapt to his untimely demise, while Qho seemed to have a grip on a griffon. A service memorial will bankrupt the tiny town, so they are mostly not doing more than drinking and shouting. The next guard seized the one to push the beloved Qho, and seemed to shout the following, "But what about all the times he got me killed traipsing around in gods-forsaken lands after his harvests? He didn't even get sent to his room! And, besides, he grabbed the griffon as he went over! You have nothing on me!" The demented attacker is being held with a three copper bail tonight, provided the copper be able to sing and dance on demand. Anyone who might know Narina, the suspect's name, is advised to point and laugh, and mention all the clues you just knew over the years that would point to such an incident."

Jethal says, "pushed? more like thrown.. with a heavy weight attached to his ankles, filled with explosives.."

"Congratulations again to all of our winners! As Toxulon put it, "I ams proud, filthy swamps rat!"."

"In other events tonight, New Halas requests next year's Festival host Polar Bear Games. This is the lack of tutu we mentioned earlier. Anyone wishing to sign a petition to include this is instructed to find any organizer, and approach in all ways Polar Bear, and be really friendly. And also, don't mention NMN or its affiliates to anyone when you do this."

"In Freeport, the tax on sugar went up three hundred percent. In an official statement, the coalition would like to remind you that "the new lower tax on sugar is great for everyone. Two plus two equals five." Buy all you need and more today!"

"An interesting article today from Mara - anyone who sees Qho is to assume he is a fugitive from their laws, and demand his return at once. Apparently, the boy "gathered" the town treasury, and has been seen heading towards Antonica. Anyone with information is advised to be cautious, as the boy will probably try to act innocent and get you to do some other "gathering" for him."

"Terror strikes the heart of Underfoot today as the Thulian-Tunarian Alliance makes war on the old enemies of dwarves who have invaded Kaladim. Some experts suspect this is a direct war on Brell, as the creatures within are also his making. Dwarves are advised to avoid all Koada, Fae, and Iksar until the fighting quiets down, when they can turn their full attention to them."
"Thurgadin had minor riots today as the last ale, beer, or lager, was drunk. The town expects to be miserable until next season, when the new batch is ready. All other cities have an embargo on selling alcohol to the city, though they are quite happy to buy from them."

"In weather, two tornados got into a fistfight over which one got to level a small hut in the Steppes. There is gnolls recovering all over after the struggle ended badly, and they turned on the dogmen. How the tornados did this is unclear, though followers of Bristlebane are suspected."

"I am Folodu Amrunrosse, and this has been another edition of the Nearly Midnight News, sans Tutus."
Amriel says, "What about overalls?"
"Overalls are still banned by our underwriters"


Toxulon says, "Narinas?!"
Narina says, "So... is anyone going to post bail for me? *tries her best to look innocent*"
Taelae says, "I can post bail for the so called demented attacker"
Narina says, "*smiles at Taelae* Thank you!"
Taelae says, "*goes off to post the bail for Narina*"
Narina says, "*walks out of jail a free halfling, although she suspects that Qho's mother will NOT be making the mistake of asking her to babysit again, unless she's that desperate to get rid of him for awhile...*"
Narina says, "See?!  I knew that kid was bad!"

Nearly Midnight News July 17

Veset says, "*pokes randomly in the dark*"

"Ow! That's my left leg bone, which is connected to my hip bone!"

Veset says, "*pokes randomly in the dark a second time*"

"No! That's my news! Don't...those were my list of future winners...I was going to not cheat with those..."

Alexson says, "Did we win............overalls?"
Veset says, "*gleefully pokes more holes in the paper*"

"NUUUU!!!! *smacks Veset's hands* No overalls! She has news! And it's getting close to time! We must get it back!"

Alexson says, "How about a Tutu?"
Veset says, "*evil laughter*"

"There! Alright, Tutus for all! *arranges her swiss pocket news* I think we are ready to get this clockwork on the road."

Tajar says, "*refuses to wear any tutu*"
Alexson says, "How about a parka?"
Oudelia says, "I'll wear the tutu..but I'm not wearing it over a leotard!"
Cogitation says, "A parka?  In this heat?  Are you /insane/?"

"Good evening and welcome to tonight's Nearly Midnight News! Tonight we are...spotty. *glares at Veset*"
Veset says, "*takes a bow*"

"So bear with me as we cannot afford new paper, and we lost our pen in Antonica during a drinking game."

Karmac says, "Again?! Folodu I swear..."

"Never bet a Dwarf you can drink them under the table. They have an unfair advantage of starting under the table. New motto."
Tajar says, "I'm going to buy you one of those tourist pens, that have a string attached to them so you can't lose them"
Oudelia says, "*runs through the newsroom wearing a tutu and nothing else and hands folalala a new pen*"

"Oh! Pen! *thanks Oudelia* Nice tutu! Did you join a Halasian sports team? More pens? Just don't mail them...The Norrath Express still has a restraining order..."

Oudelia says, "Well I normally wear a kilt...."

"Stick with the tutu. People will take you more seriously. Oh! Right! News!"

"I would welcome you do day three of the Festival of Unity, except it's almost time for day four! We have had a riot of a time, including a thrilling game of "Tell Pretty Stories to Tier'Dal to Make Them Cringe", and Spin Zone, where a tornado is summoned for entertainment! Sadly, the tornado was not such a good idea, and Nettleville will be closed for a few days. A deep, heartfelt Sorry is issued to those living there, but the Crown just cannot fund cleaning with the festival going on. You are asked to Be Strong in the Face of Adversity (TM)."

"In other news, there was an exciting day yesterday during the Dueling Event, wherein we all get together for Love and Unity and Beating Each Others Faces In. We seem to have a winner, besides those who love irony, in Toxulon! Congratulations on being the best at unifying everyone into a bloodied mass! I am sure there was much practice and training, and many hours on the Gnomish Rockmaster 3000, who is our sponsor tonight.

"Rockmaster 3000, for when Dwarves won't cooperate."

"Tonight, we have the adventuresome Scavenger Hunt, where we hear one known as Domino is cheating by having Behind The Scenes Input. Even still, the hunt continues, as Fizzlethorpe does not want it to be predictable.”

Toxulon says, "Domino can't cheat! Blasphemy."

"Anyone interested in cheering is asked to follow the gatherers around. For those wishing for a real win in this, we refer you to Mara, where young Qho masterminds everything. He has, of course, offered the real credit to none other than Frostfell's Greatest Adherent and Dictator for Life, whom remains unnamed. Stupid holes in the paper...Era? Tera? Rera? Lera? Nah...too easy. Anyways, good luck to those hunting, and Don't Ask Qho Or Else!"

"We go elsewhere for our news tonight, and settle in Neriak. Through confessions and vote of her former concubines, it has been announced that Cristanos' mind really is in the gutter."

Alexson says, "*rearranges the words on Folodu's teleprompter, then blames Cogitation*"

"The former servants threaten to tell more if their demands for unionization are not met, and cite Big Secrets and Bedroom Romps threateningly. In this, Cristanos responds, "You thank utter fish gorilla tripe. Guards tickle Freedom!". We decided staying in the city was a bad idea. And reading teleprompters ever worse. Don't trust technology. It will win.

"In other news tonight, New Halas reports an outbreak of yellow snow. We can only imagine this is from the Karan continent's weather being made so pristine for the event that is has sucked the very white from the ice. For those interested, it does not taste like lemonade, and please don't touch it."

"In sports tonight, the Yapping Hills Defenders took on the Varsoon Undead Minions. While greatly outmatched, the Defenders did an admirable job in losing gracefully. We wish we knew what sport this was, but C'est la vie."

"Further east, Freeport took on itself in a struggle to the death as a riot broke out over a chess game. Sources close to the situation say that kA7 - b4  is totally valid, while everyone else says "Shut up and play!" It was like watching drunks fight. But not as funny."

"In Feerott tonight, Thulians sign a peace treaty with Tunarian Blood Cultists. They both announce that the new merger will offer opportunities for both, and they are excited to work together. Anyone wishing to join needs to stay out of Freeport, as Tunarian blood Cultists are anti-Lucanic."

Ombline says, "Yeah, but so is water."

"In Gorowyn today, a pig's cough was misinterpreted as a Sign from a Prophet. Many are still genuflecting tonight, making for one confused swine. All hail the New Bacon Rule."

"In weather outside of Antonica and New Halas, patterns continue to shift, plunging many dockside towns under heavy storms. Temperatures around Norrath also continue to plummet, and many relief supplies from the cities are unable to be delivered. It is recommended not to sculpt weather when one is having a festival, or else we get strange that freak windstorm in the studio last week."

"I am Folodu Amrunrosse, and this has been the Nearly Midnight News."

Monday, July 16, 2012

Nearly Midnight News July 15

" not a woman dressed like a bat. But I do have some news! In fact, it is Nearly Midnight News! I wish I had some winners to announce, but alas, the list I had got eaten in the feyiron chef cookoff. If anyone had anything papery in their food, please return it at your earliest convenience, and not in a flaming bag on my porch."

Taysa says, "-puts away the tinkered lighter she bought and whistles innocently-"

"However, I do have other interesting news. Qeynos commissioned Cristanos Pinatas for the Festival of Unity. These were a crowd hit most of the day - inside were little arasai shaped candies. In honor of the New Combine Empire, Qeynosians and their allies enjoyed themselves all afternoon. Due to other allies being present, Pin the Tail on Lucan was not brought out this year. This was only a minor setback, as there was more interest in the food than the tails. It seems one out of five judges enjoys a good bit of grub, as one of the Feyiron chef contenders made grubb and crickets the main focus of their meal. Which just goes to conclude, most of Qeynos still doesn't know what to do with Ratonga. The Freeport Militia requests extradition from their new allies. The overall winner of the cookoff was none other than... *reads* I have no idea who this is - is this even a real name? Or is that ... that's a mustard satin. There it is! Iquaii! The New Feyiron Chef this year! Congratulations to person-whom-I-presume-has-a-face-to-go-with-the-name."

"There was also jousting today. The audience won that one, as many landed on their faces and took comedic blows about their body. Some are listed in critical condition, especially after eating the grubb cricket pie. I am sure they did very well, and we honor them and their efforts. And one day, we might even know their names - but until then, we will call them Bob, Robert, and Bobbie. Please send them congratulations cards, under those names, as soon as possible."

"Further east, there was something going on in Windstalker - In a Nutshell may have lost Kelethin. If anyone has seen the tree city, they are to report it immediately to the nearest Arasai who is not gleefully shocking others."

Tregarde says, "Huh? What happened to my tavern?"

"It was in Windtalker, yes?"

Tregarde says, "That's Wednesday.  *rushes off to check if the Nutshell is still i Kelethin anyway*"

"Ergo, lost. I put out a search notice for you. Oh! Well...maybe we got the day wrong? Or...the bar? Well - either way, the nice militia man said he would look into it right away, after he was done filing his taxes and reports and seeing to his little kitten."

"Elsewhere, it has come to light that NMN staff might not be entirely honest or knowledgeable! We advise giving them extra alms to help fix this problem. Also, take pity on your newscasters. They work hard to make sure everything is mucked up nice and good."

Greigh says, "*rips a drumstick off the turkey in his hat and offers it to Folodu*"

"And while we are at it, we declare this News Week. We are sure we can talk to someone about making this official... And might even have some clue of what is going on during this time! though we would not count on that. *takes the drumstick*”
“In other news, changes of citizenship are way down after it has been reported that officials like to draw on official documents, invalidating them. Immigration still continues, though documentation is spotty. Please see your local guard to have this problem corrected immediately. They are sure to handle it professionally and in a timely manner, though results may vary depending on what time of day the breeze blows."

"In sports today, the Nerian Jousting league got kicked out of the Festival of Unity on the grounds of "jousting with metal poles is not kosher". They are expecting to whine about this for some time, and plot revenge. Anyone with information about what this might be is to be considered an accomplice and dealt with in the swiftest, most efficient, kindest way possible. Anyone experiencing cognitive dissonance on what that is should also report to their local guard."

"Breaking news tonight in Freeport! Every vase on a street has been shattered! No further details are known, though the local Ne'er-do-wells are suspected. Anyone caught doing anything in Freeport might be one of these, and the militia recommends treating them as traitors to Lucan."

"In weather, Antonica sculpted a beautiful day - everywhere else was miserable as a result"

"I am Folodu Amrunrosse, and this has been the Nearly Midnight News. Now why do I have a turkey leg..."

Nearly Midnight News July 13

"Welcome to the Nearly Midnight News! I was your host, but now I'm an intern! Good night! *walks off to the casino* *walks back* I didn't have any money... So...I suppose news. Maybe it will cover our addiction."
"In tonight's news, we have a shocking expose!"
Shizouka says,  "I was young, those pictures were stolen and photoshopped!"
"Those who you thought you knew, rediscovered!"
Serrestt says,  "*Is shocked, despite having not heard the expose yet*"
"You had pictures? Let's see! *peers* Those aren't compromising...those are only innuendos. But here, see, we have the shocking news about Maltus everling! And Brandus Levine! And Britta Pieflinger! And more! Did you know, in his youth, Maltus was a sidewalk two-bit hooker? But wait! Before you go after him! Hear the shocking news of his brother betraying him and killing everyone! Actually, that's not all that shocking. What's really shocking is that, in the sunlight, he....sparkles!"
Shizouka says,  "*falls to her knees* Noooooo!"
Taysa says,  "Yes, I'd be embarrassed too."
Serrestt says,  "Mes woulds nots gos outsides eithers ins thats case."
"And Lady Pieflinger! Does NOT use real whipped cream in her whipped cream pies!"
Taysa says,  "-le gasp!-"
"Brandus Levine is a swindler and a John!"
Shizouka says,  "... a toilet?"
"And, you will only hear this here, but old  Varsoon? A dandy. Complete and total fop! Not a shred of dignity to be had! I mean really...he has a weaving shop is his studio. What do you expect? All those large, hulking golems..."
Shizouka says,  "I always wondered about the coat with shoulder pads three feet out."
"Next in our news... Let's see...ah yes! In Qeynos! A large bubble festival took place! It was going well, until the wind shifted and everyone took a delightful ball of soap to the eye. Counselors will be standing by to anyone who feels scarred for life.”
"In other news, the Nerian Electroshock team has been reformed since yesterday's disaster. Interrogations are expected to continue on schedule until all arasai are filled with pure glee."
Shizouka says,  "Or Maple Syrup."
"Anyone with news regarding the persistent tiger in the room is expected to to scream like schoolgirls."
"More in Qeynos tonight, a casino opened its doors. There is expected to be gambling and gamblers counseling, for those who can't quite give it up. There is also Camel Toe, apparently a bar inside the casino.  For those interested in not paying their bills, there might be a torture room on site. Isn't Qeynos grand? Everyone else puts that right out in the open. There are reports of bowling, and Human Darts, and also a thrilling game of pin the tail on the donkey. For details and correct information, please direct your attention somewhere else."
"In weather, the sun shone, and the wind blew, but nothing else happened. Not even night."
"That is the Nearly Midnight News for tonight. I am your intern, Folodu amrunrosse."

Friday, July 13, 2012

Nearly Midnight News July 12

"I think...It might be time for the Nearly Cheesenight News.”

Alexandria says, "In overalls again?"

"Overalls are banned by our underwriter."

Alexandria says, "Okay, I wear them then"

"*hands over the overalls* And remember, only overalls. Welcome again to the Nearly Midnight News! We have some not-so-random crazy lady dressing up in overalls, and later on, she will be stunting. For ratings! We are paying her in anchovies!"

Alexandria says, "Hey!  Don't call me not-so-random XD  *mmmm anchovies*"

"Ick. Here - take them."

Alexandria says, "*nom nom nom* *passes out from a salt coma from the anchovies*"

"In tonight's news, we have... Umm....Stuff! And Things! Not necessarily in that order!"

"We go first to Mok Rent to find out more about yesterday's land speculation. City officials in Gorowyn block the purchase of land, stating that it is prime genocide material. We are fairly certain this is not okay with the local aviak populations, though they just won't say it in the common trade tongue. Stated one Primary, "They don't talk right, so we gonna kill them and eat them." The NMN found someone willing to offer rebuttal, but all they did was sqwack."

Ghazar says, "However that one got to be a Primary is beyond most of Gorowyn."

"In Mara today, pirates invaded the quiet city, wreaking havoc and overturning at least three potted flowers. They made it all the way to the Inn before a hint of ale derailed their running amok. The Marans ponit this out as being a part of the Divine Plan. They ran up a tab of at least two gold before running out of funds and begging on the dock. We told them this was a waste of time, noting our own funding woes at the NMN. After five minutes, they had enough to buy for the next week. We were envious. Anyone wishing to file a complaint has to get in line behind us."

"In Maj'Dul today, the sultanate revealed that Anashti Sul has been guiding city politics since her banishment. Asked why, we were given the following, "She owes us money. We are finding ways to get it back. Ever play rugby?" Which leads into our sports news for the evening. The Maj'Dul Rugby team went head to lower ankle with Anashti Sul in a spine-jarring match up. It went badly for them, though she took pity and resurrected them. Again, and again, and again."

"In other sports news, the Thexian Winetasters bowed out of a competition with the Nerian Electroshockers. The team cited a distinct fear of being profiled. We caught up with the Nerian team to find them attempting to electroshock a set of swine. It was ineffective, though the pigs were of different breeds and started an epic battle to the death. It is advised henceforth that pig breeds be separated by at least two continents and three impassable walls. The Nerian Electroshockers did not survive the experiment, though being Arasai, we expect the Queen will commission new clockworks be built soon. Anyone expecting a new shipment of the small winged toys can expect thirty percent more defects, and 50% more gleeful pins and needles prodding."

"In Qeynos tonight, the debate on which Marr is more fun to serve got derailed in a public demonstration that continues tonight. Anyone of lustful disposition is recommended to attend. Further news is censored as both lewd, and Anti-Lucnic, based on your major city of origin."

"The Freeport Militia received word this afternoon of a theft about to take place. Ever gallant, the men rushed to the given address and seized everything. The overzealous we demoted for raiding their own facility, and the irony was lost on them.”

"In weather tonight, acid rain sweeps the Steppes. Everyone is expected to drink from it, and many are probably going to have bad trips. Don't do drugs."

"The Center for Bertoxxolous puts out warnings of a new anti virus that causes problems worse than they fix. While pleased, someone else is getting the credit, and the center is very upset. No further comments were issued, though the sounds of a tantrum were heard all afternoon."

"Followers of Bristlebane and Thule joined forces last night to make the worst Jack-in-the-box ever. Testing subjects are being sought today. To apply, please find the place between kunark and the Underfoot. There might be compensation"

"I am Folodu Amrunrosse, and this has been the Nearly Midnight News."

Alexandria says, "*wakes up from the anchovy coma and requests water from anyone and a mint*"

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Nearly Midnight News July 11

"So - our budget got cut, and we are down to a candle and no match. I think the NMN staff might be next on the chopping block..."

Karmac says, "*gives Folodu more supplies* "here you go Folodu!"

"A can of spam and anchovies... Lovely...tonight's sponsor hates us. But the show must go on! *strikes the cans together attempting to light the candle*"

"Due to high winds in the studio, tonight's Nearly Midnight News will be broadcast without notes - yes, this means you have to rely on my memory and our lack of funds to remember the news. Also, our underwriters will not support another edition in overalls. There is apparently too much risk involved."

"In tonight's news, we have received a recent study on the dental hygiene of orcs. In a surprise to everyone, orcs apparently brush five times a day, utilizing the greatest in tooth care products. However, they tend to drink acids immediately afterwards, negating all benefits. In a quote from the Former Emperor Fyst, "The boys wanted dental - but Rallos said no. Had to find a compromise somewhere, or you end up with a fight...". Zek was unable to return any contact, leaving this at entirely hearsay."

"In the often newsless Mok Rent on the far side of Gorowyn, land speculators laid claim to vast swathes of land. Ettins contest this, and have argued public domain of it as a nature preserve. Court cases are expected to be brief, as no one argues with an ettin.”
"In Gorowyn proper, city officials closed the central pool diving board after a comment of "someone might get hurt". City revenue at the popular spot is expected to plummet. In a brief comment, a random Civ-Parser noted that the cause is foreigners, as no Sarnak would sink so low as to have "fun", a word he snorted derisively."

“In Freeport, a random citizen kvetched for a while, and then talked some poor sap into stealing a boat. The citizen is in jail tonight as an accomplice while the stolen vessel is still being sought tonight. Anyone caught sailing will be fined until the right theft is found. Asked how this might affect shipping, no one could be found - we were hoping the militia issuing tickets might have better luck getting a comment, but there you have it."

"In sports tonight, the Qeynos Cross Country Catnap team took first place for most inventive location to pass out - under the Queen's throne. The opposing Nerian team points out that this might be in violation of the rules of play. Authorities are double checking, but so far are in favor that it is still on the right continent. Asked how this ends up in sports, the NMN claims lack of budget and would kindly like to remind everyone that spam is involved."

"In the Sea Formerly Known as Tears, a bad singing contest happened. Many ears bled, and children wailed. It was a spectacle to behold. Of course, this is probably because we were not in hearing range."

"The Nearly Midnight News staff would like to issue the following statement: whoever stole our pen, that wasn't nice. We will find you and make you cry. Probably using onions. That we stole. The remaining staff seem quite miffed to fall on such bad luck again, noting that pens seem to be cursed or something."

Karmac says, "*gives Folodu a new pen*"

Folodu takes the pen suspiciously. “The NMN would also like to remind everyone that Arasai and gnome agents continue to make everyday objects into explosives. Please handle everything with caution, even if it seems like the boot you lost last month. That is a prime suspect item."

"In weather, what can we say? There was a windstorm in the studio! Who cares what else was happening? We lost our notes! And our matches! *brandishes the candle* What more do you want from us? We've lost it!"

"I am Folodu Amrunrosse, and a this is the low-budget Nearly Midnight News. Spare a match?"