Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Nearly Midnight News, October 11
"Good evening and welcome to the Nearly Midnight News!"
Shizouka tells rplfg, "OBJECTION!"
Delepitore tells rplfg, "OVERRULED!"
Xaniel tells rplfg, "OVERRULED!"
Aeolon tells rplfg, "It's nearly 3am! That's not nearly midnight"
"This edition is called the "Worked for too much today and now I'm moving towards a nice tipsy"...edition."
Xaniel tells rplfg, "It is here..."
Ariahdnia tells rplfg, "*snicker*"
Aeolon tells rplfg, "Well, obviously, I'm in the real timezone"
Shizouka tells rplfg, "I'm on PST, Game time, so it is nearly midnight"
"There might be too many editions in there… I'm near 1:30, myself… Meh - it's nearly there..."
Aeolon tells rplfg, "What timezone was AMERICA FOUNDED IN?!? That's right, EST!"
Delepitore tells rplfg, "My timezone."
Aeolon tells rplfg, "Okay, okay, lets settle this sensibly."
Delepitore tells rplfg, "And I say.... Its elventybillion o clock! bwahaha"
"Noooo, see, America was founded in Common Era something or other. Railroads were founded in EST. So blame the railroads every fall and spring.”
Aeolon tells rplfg, "We'll go by the timezone of the person living in the oldest house, okay?"
Shizouka tells rplfg, "'Murica Time! its +FIST TO YOUR FACE from GMT!"
Delepitore tells rplfg, "I like SHizokas better"
Aeolon tells rplfg, "My house is about 230 years old."
Aeolon tells rplfg, "And it's really not well insulated."
Ariahdnia tells AmicaeOOC, "Ah, NMN. love it."
"I like that, too. Well, coming in at about 230 seconds old is me, here. At the acorn desk. OF DOOM. And fluffy bunnies.”
"I think I made that last one up. It's acorns. And rum..."
Shizouka tells rplfg, "*slinks over and starts placing bunnies on Folodu's desk, one at a time*"
"So anyways! Tonight, we have...Ah hells, let's start in Maj'dul with the legendary Volleyball league"
Aeolon tells rplfg, "Mmm, rum."
"Hey! Hey you! No herbivorous animals!"
Aeolon tells rplfg, "I had rum earlier today. I've got a theory... It could be bunnies."
"The bunny is a lie… Or is that parfait is a lie..."
"Anyways! Maj'Dul Volleyball! Last week, we ran out of heads for the official ball...and by we I mean Maj'Dul. NMN staff has nothing to do with severed head games..."
Aeolon tells rplfg, "I don't believe in parfait. What's the plural of parfait?"
"Parf...ii? Parfii. I looked it up. In my spare time. And didn't totally make it up just now."
"So - severed head shortage! If you wish to donate, parfait!"
Aeolon tells rplfg, "Huh. The plural is actually prafaits"
"The NMN disagrees with the current opinion as it does not come from a non-credible news agency. So Nyah!"
*folodu sticks her tongue out at Aeolon*
Aeolon tells rplfg, "But I have a certificate!"
"How can a non-credible news agency get a credible certificate..."
Aeolon tells rplfg, "I stole it from you."
*mine is mad with crayon*
"Elsewhere in norrath, there has been a profusion of Special Snowflakes. An eyewitness newly assigned to the Great Divide states: "Huh. Where the hell did all of these fated heroes come from?" He continues with: "Well, they have money, so let's start swindling...""
Aeolon tells rplfg, "Hey, hey. FALSE REPORTING. I'm broke!"
"All disagreements to this opinion should mail several plat to the NMN along with their rebuttal, which will not go straight into a shredder."
"Which leads to our next article, the NMN has a good fire going lately. Have you mailed several plat and paper to them yet? Your donations are greatly appreciated Please do not include a return address. We know who you are. Also, don't bother with a name. We like to keep it interesting."
Aeolon tells rplfg, "*takes out an advertisement for a mage to craft fireproof, shred-proof, and tamper-proof paper*"
"Further into thurgadin, the Othmir are Up To No Good. The new sect of UTNG Othmir are laying fishy traps, which have caught five Kerrans today alone."
Bakmej tells rplfg, "your paper is so boring that jeff bezos will likely buy it"
"While investigating, we found that the new group prefers cat to fish - a distinct change from their former stance of "we eat fish. All fish. All the time" The cute predator is now the bane of such people as…”
*looks at the list of Kerran players*
“Who the hells are these people… Tony? The hell kind of name is that? And why does it specify his animal base? That just doesn't make sense..."
Shizouka tells rplfg, "Its a pretty stark name..."
"Under suspicion of trying to use her mass fame for ill gotten goods, NMN releases Folodu from their staff records today. While this is not surprising, no one was sure who else could report, so the restriction was lifted. For those who approve of this news… You get the idea. Send money. If you disapprove, money and a note."
Aeolon tells rplfg, "What if we just send a note?"
"Coming next month! We have the Festival of Discord, which is different from the Festival of Discworld!"
Aeolon tells rplfg, "Wait, wait, I missed the festival of Discworld?"
"We are not sure how it's different, but there might be a registered execution! Also, there might be a globe rather than a plate. Or - we might be so bold - a global pizza, with anchovies for seas and pepperoni for landmasses."
"The Festival of Discord will be...what, early November for this thing called the "Gregorian calendar" which is totally arbitrary and old. For those wishing for a better calendar, please /time."
"If your year reads 0, please press the pound key followed by a string of curses."
"Yep, still doesn't work… Stupid Es Oh Ee."
"Upcoming news! Veeshan cries! I didn't know dragons had tear ducts, but you learn something new every day! The Ultimate Good Dragon Kyrafim goes toe to toe with Nagafen the Lazy! And This sounds exactly like a tabloid..."
Shizouka tells rplfg, "So what about these tears of Veeshawn?"
"Oh! Right! Veeshan. Tears. Sad dragons, yep. Must have lost a contact lens or something.”
“Or or! A sad song! "And Veeshan wept!" That's the ticket! There was a rash of bad music, and it was targeted at dragons. Sadly, Darathar was not affected."
Shizouka tells rplfg, "Huh.. that gives me an idea for a song..."
"But Veeshan was, somehow! Maybe it was a scratched record. And maybe it was a keening wail of loss. I understand dragons like keening wails.”
*keens a little, badly*
"Alright, I'm not sure why they would. But they do. Credible news source. We don't even have a certificate to disprove us."
"In Thurgadin today, it snowed. This is reportable only because it was inside and there were no obvious clouds. Chronomancers are suspected, making the weather what it was ten thousand years ago. We asked one who said, simply, "You asked us that ten years from now! Go away!""
Aeolon tells rplfg, "Why can't Chronomancers just go back in time and stop Naggy and Vox from doing the draggy?"
"Despite the setback on the news source, we found a Crazy Old Man who was ready to vouch anything for a small meal."
Orochizak tells rplfg, "Time Doesn't Work That Way."
Shizouka tells rplfg, "Wibbly wobbly Timey Wimey"
Orochizak tells rplfg, "^"
Shizouka tells rplfg, "people think of Time as a natural progression of linear events... Its more of a sort of ball... of... wibbly wobbly Timey wimey stuff."
"His name is dave, and he had this to say, "Obradovrougetoffin!" Crazy ass old Dave..."
"Onwards! The ball of news can't be stopped!"
*flings notes over left shoulder*
"...And that's all we have for today.”
“Tune in next week for more Nearly Midnight News, Less Drunk Edition! I am your host, Folodu Amrunrosse. Things and stuff."