Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Nearly Midnight News, September 21
...*walks up to a large acorn desk*
“This is dusty as anything could be... that's not quite right. And these loose papers! I thought I gave specific instructions for this to be cleaned..."
Cyphaer tells rplfg, "!!!!"
Kissari tells rplfg, "*goes all feir'dall happy mode and tosses those papers all over while jumping about giggling* La-la-la-laaaa-la."
*pulls up a chair and sneezes*
“Well, the show must go on. Er... well... the news. You get what I mean. Welcome to the Nearly Midnight News, Truncated and Late Edition."
Cyphaer tells rplfg, "YAY!"
"New in tonight, Othmirs attack! Word from Velious is that the Othmirhave been going around and biting the faces off of - gasp- cabbages and root vegititables and the random adventurer! These once-cute critters are now the bane of the Dain, going so far as to raid the gardens of the dwarves and gnawing an ankle that might get in the way."
Vinjarick tells rplfg, "diabolical"
"Word from Thorin Drunk'Dain is that the food stores have been running dry, and they always wondered about those "shifty, beady-eyed watercats". While no one from the Othmir camps has been willing to speak on this matter, our reporter in the field, me, has been attacked as well! These soft, luscious-furred creatures glomp and hug and tackle and assault you with adorable."
Celennia tells rplfg, "wait..the nearly midnight news is back????? yay~"
Ombline tells rplfg, "As long as mine keeps up with his (her? I can't tell) research, I don't care what the othmir does in zer spare time."
"Much nicer than those stupid hua-mein bear-things… Anyways, There is not any indication of if this is true, save for one little othmir caught in an orc camp. And if you could ever be so kind, could you please release him...?
“The orcs, of course, say he is a dangerous and wild critter who took out the last chief Ry'Gorr. With the assistance, of course, of an unknown reporter. The accomplice is still at large, and no reward is being offered. The orcs seem to consider "good riddance" in this case is well founded."
"Elsewhere, Had... Drinal has captured Perse... Firiona. While the surprising turn of events has caused much stir, historians are trying to figure out if this has ever happened before. The answer? No.”
“For an expert opinion, we made one up: "Oh, the horror! Our little Firiona has gone missing! Try the next castle..." Anyone who has any information is requested to present it to the Lord of Death, and to expect Quite A Reward. We were unaware of any ominous intent."
"It is also noted that a new sign has been posted."No Trespassin: Violators will be shot in the knee." So of course someone investigated. More to come when we see them next."
"In the high city of Paineel, there are experiments regarding necromancy. Qeynos objects. This is hardly news at all."
“The gnomes caught in Ykesha tonight report higher than average rainfall. There are also reports of higher-than-average drinking, as the engine cleaner seems to be alcoholic. For those on the lower island, wear a hat."
Ariahdnia tells rplfg, "**snerk**"
"Deep in Klak'Anon, the clockworks are trying to create sentience. As they are copying the gnomes, we expect impressively explosive results. That they are already sentient seems to mean little. I suppose this means that a Clockwork Sutra needs written so that they have some basis of understanding. "Insert Tab A into Slot B for a good time...” That's terrible...who comes up with this stuff? I need to fire someone, I just know it. ...Oh...right..."
"The Maj'Dul volleyball league starts back up again this week. The new regulation ball is a head weighing no less than three stone. Any willing participants are to be weighed at their leisure in the market. While some might find this a bit gruesome, it has weeded out those players who are not serious about the game. These are to be considered the first volunteers. Maj'Dul, it's a hell of a town."
"The weather in Frostfang reports snow. Really. Just snow. Nothing special about it. Why do we even both sometimes. We try to put on a quality program and you just get… “Snow."
"In other news, a new organized crime syndicate has risen across Norrath. Calling themselves Krono, they squeeze the citizens dry to get "that certain something" that seems to have known psychological effects of dependency and irrational desire. Some call this a "protection plan" while others call it "the best thing since Paid Subs". Not being much into the BDSM community, we are not sure what this means."
"That is your Nearly Midnight News. I'm Folodu, and this is irreverent."