Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Nearly Midnight News, September 27
*shakes off some bits of fairy*
“You find one arasai who has genocidal thoughts, and soon you are covered in bug-bits… Ick. Is that a wing stuck on my cheek? Horrid."
Zeldrena tells rplfg, "o.o"
Cherlynx tells rplfg, "Oh my. You need a baff. Baaath. Thorry."
*pulls up a chair at the big dusty acorn desk*
“Anyways, onward! Welcome to the Nearly Midnight News, colloquially known as NMN II: Extended - now with Streaking Client!”
*releases a nekkid troll into the channel*
"In tonight's news, we have... ahh... umm… Stuff in Thurgadin! Cool stuff! But it involves dwarves, so no one really cares."
Zeldrena tells rplfg, "*is snatched by the troll, taken into an alley. Moaning quickly ensues*"
Sharisnarr tells rplfg, "Traffic is backed up at a tavern in Thurg as they invented a new kind of ale, and there passout out over each other for it."
"In Skyshrine today, everyone was wondering: "Why is it called Skyshrine? I don't worship anything here!" And the brief answer to that is, and I quote, "Because we said so". That is, they would, but a profusion of adventurers killed everything. This includes the quest givers, who were killed out of frustration for the monsters and stuff being dead from previous groups."
Zeldrena tells rplfg, "In other news, Zeldrena started a serious debate on why men think women belong in the kitchen or laundry room!"
Drakkarious tells rplfg, "*leans his chin on his fist* "
"It has come to our attention that women might belong in the kitchen. This comes after surprising evidence of feeling the need to feast upon the innards of their oppressors. This is news, though not entirely surprising.” “Please disregard the way the sausage is made. I am sure the gnomes meant well.”
“In other news, the Maj'Dul Beach Volleyball tournament has been delayed due to a lack of enough regulation equipment. If you happen to have a head you are willing to donate, please see the nearest Sha'Ir. We are told the process is quick and painless. “For further developments in the desert, please see someone who is crazy.”
Zeldrena tells rplfg, "In even more news, Sharisnarr recently took an Iksar concubine!" Aslanna tells rplfg, "Grats Sharissnarr!" Zeldrena tells rplfg, "*simply likes spreading gossip :*"
“Hade...Drinal has issued a statement regarding the kidnapped Firiona. He states thus: "I wasn't there at the time. I would like to see proof of your accusation. What flower? That's a bloody tulip! I'm death! It's a thing! Adventurers have lined up to deal with the problem in the normal way. The death toll is staggering. Anyone wishing to participate is instructed to transfer money to a swiss bank account under the named Ess Oh Ee."
Zeldrena tells rplfg, "Drinal also stated thus "She was my secret lover. We've never been truly apart until now!""
Sharisnarr tells rplfg, "makes me wonder if you seen Cobalt Scar yet...heh."
"In weather tonight, there is snow in Velious....didn't we report this last week? Stupid vithing... Please excuse us while we fire the copy editor...
*pulls out a knife and throws it randomly away - there are a few noises, mostly liquid sounding*
Zeldrena tells rplfg, "*The copy editor comes back to life as a zombie and attacks Folodu*"
“So - real weather! A freak storm has caused it to rain frogs in Qeynos! The local froglok population is not amused, though some of the more swank eateries are quite gleeful. For anyone wishing to participate in...clean up.... please buy a local fishing license from your local guard. "His name is Big Tom, and he is quite unhappy if you don't."
Zeldrena tells rplfg, "*watches some frogs rain down on Folodu*"
"A huge norrathquake occurred today - in the middle of a yha-lei encampment. No one has any further news, but there are some highly entertained Teir'Dal nearby. One might think this was perhaps not a coincidence."
Zeldrena tells rplfg, "Good night Norrath! I'll be back in a little while! This little kerra girl stayed up past her bedtime!"
"The Nearly Midnight News is now going green! To help with this effort, please hand over all items that might be valuable. For those wishing for better content or service, please donate an amount equal to...what is a USD? Umm....fifteen or sixteen of those. Expanded content includes In-Jokes, Privilege, and less harassment by this kid named Qho."
"This has been the Nearly Midnight News. I am Folodu Amrunrosse, for some ungodly reason your host."