Nearly Midnight News June 29

"Welcome to tonights Nearly Midnight News! We have a special tonight from around the Bars! Yes, you heard me right! Today there was a prison riot in the Scale Yards of Freeport! It spilled out onto the streets and, in a surprise to everyone, onto the bell system, carrying the brawling to Qeynos! Eventually, the guards in both cities got it under control, but not before one stubbed his toe on a pebble. there was mild cursing and kvetching. Oddly enough, no damage was done to anything. An investigation is underway, though results might prove inconclusive."

"Also in the City of Freeport today, a poll was taken of local Prominent Citizens on what should be the Overlord's new title in this strange time of peace: Donkey, or Mule. Anyone responding was thanked kindly, and then pushed into the pit as terrorists."

"In music today, Dwarven rock band Pickaxe and Gnomish metal band Brellica have decided to team up and put on a performance, codenamed Brells Brass Balls - the only instrument to be used will be cymbals. The irony is very intentional, said one band member.  Concert-goers are advised to not bring ears."

"In Qeynos today, many citizens were at first concerned about the arrival of a new level of bureaucracy - the Smallclothes Inspection Brigade. This lasted only a moment before all consented to a search. Asked why, the Brigade cited indecency on the rise and barbarians in kilts, both of which might unnerve the citizens. Antonia is said to be the only one except from the search and potential seizure of illicit undergarments. In a comment, the Crown issued the following statement, "Get out of my office.""

"Amid a surprise visit by the NMN, the Rusty Grimoire was raided by an agent dressed as a Respectable Persons. The NMN agent asked many about the marshmallow pies, which are said to be delicious. It was found earlier that day that the pies are made out of minotaur. Asked about the pie, one patron said, "oh, this had thoughts....tasty, tasty thoughts....”. When offered a piece of the potentially once-sentient pie, the NMN agent accepted gratefully. We can only officially report that it is tastier than pens by a lot. When the organizer, Leruc, was asked to comment, he blinked at the NMN agent and hugged her. The premises was then vacated hastily by said agent."

"In sports news today, the Antonican Tennis Team has joined forced with the Norrathian Rugby Team Association in the wearing of the new uniforms, pink tutus. When asked why, the tennis team handed over a small ball that our reporter was not so aware was recently converted to an explosive. After tossing the ball around, clerics were quite necessary. Note to all Norrathians, do NOT trust the tennis teams in your area!"

"In other news, author Xsii is said to be working on volume five million of "Bree". We fully expect arthritis at any moment, and have gone so far as to place bets. For those unfamiliar with the "Bree" series, it is a cute love story about cheese and berries. For those familiar with it, it is the far more touching tale of a young lad and his forbidden love - it is a heart-wrenching tale of betrayal and ennui."

"No - this can't be right. This says it's a tale of love not permitted by culture! Nothing about cheese or fights to the death! For those interested in the book, tap your heels three times and spin in a circle counter clockwise - we are sure this will get no results but chuckles."

"In weather today, nothing spectacular happened. There was something about a double lunar eclispe, and typhoons hitting the same town three times running...boring old dry stuff. No one ever pays attention to the weather anyways."

"And with that, the Nearly Midnight News and your host, Folodu Amrunrosse - that's me - bids you good night!"

The Liturgy of Oathtaking

Postulant approaches, through the crowd and stands before the officiant, who draws blade on postulant

“Have you the courage for this road? For I say to you, it is better that you rush upon my blade and perish, than you make this attempt with fear, avarice, or deceit in your heart.”
“Readily do I swear.”

“Know that before you may be named among us it is necessary to suffer and be purified. Are you willing to suffer, and learn?”
“I am so willing.”

“Kneel, then, and open yourself to the trial."

stand behind postulant, who kneels facing the witnesses

"Have you borne arms against the Vigiles in any cause, or given aid, counsel, or comfort to those who would destroy it?”

“I swear that I have not, nor shall I. My loyalty is to the glory of the Amicae Vigiles.”

“A loyal Amicae serves first the Writ of the Vigiles, then the Mission, then their comrades. A loyal Amicae seeks freedom, impartiality, and discipline. A loyal Amicae neither accepts defeat, nor thirsts for risk, nor boasts of easy victory. Do you seek the badge of the Vigiles for your own pleasure, profit, or personal safety?”

“I swear that I do not, nor shall I. My service is for the glory of the Amicae Vigiles.”

“A disciplined Amicae hones their sword, their body, and their mind. A disciplined Amicae sees first to the welfare of their comrades, their arms and training, and their own duties. A disciplined Amicae is expected to journey further, march faster and fight harder than any other warrior. Will you walk behind the shield of the Vigiles and turn your face from battle?”

“I swear that I will not. My valor is for the glory of the Amicae Vigiles.”


“A courageous Amicae never fails their comrades, nor shirks their duty, nor shows partiality. A courageous Amicae is ever alert, strong, and ready to fight to their last breath. A courageous Amicae holds their sworn duty, her comrades, and the writ of fellowship above all other concerns.”

...

“I swear upon my mother's womb, and by my honor among the living, and by my brethren of the shield, I shall not leave a comrade to fall into the hands of an enemy. I swear by my hope of salvation, my past, and my future to come, I shall never compromise the freedom of the Vigiles. I devote myself to utter destruction if I should break this, my solemn oath.”


“You have endured the trial: mark well, howsoever you move in the world it echoes threefold. This is the sacred mystery. Now by your will you are bound to the Vigiles Amicae, and as a mark of that bond which endures I now give you a new name.”

“Rise, -- , and let us welcome you among us.”

promotion formalized, talisman given in token, announce to witnesses

Vigiles! Welcome our youngest/honored Amicae, Rank -- !

Nearly Midnight News June 27

"Tonights news comes from Gnomeland Security, and a surprise update regarding their struggles to produce the Ultimate item! The Philosopher's Stone is now a reality! In typical Gnomish fashion, this stone was instantly put to use. Sadly, a fatal flaw was discovered rather suddenly when it exploded. Fifteen clockworks were damaged, and the lead researcher was severely wounded. He is in critical condition and high on opiates. When asked how he did it, he went off on a tirade and tried to kill his nurses before getting tangled in his bed sheets and dying. Gnomeland Security says everyone is to stay away from anything suspicious looking for the next twelve hours."

"In a related note, the Arasai have been standing suspiciously close to people after their battery recall. Cristanos has declined to issue a direct statement, but seemed gleeful."

"In other news tonight, the Rugby Tutu Team has decided to launch a new campaign, requiring all sports to wear the new uniforms as equals. Their actions have caused great concern as they forced the Halas Water Polo team into them."

"Meanwhile, the Maj'dul Epic Beach Volleyball competition came to a standstill when the players could not decide on a dune to use. Fighting ensued after a brief exchange of words, and the streets are in riot tonight."

"The Norrathian Express Mail System was down today while their one fae employee spent all afternoon napping. The fae was reportedly supposed to clean the pens from the box, and says, quote, "I got nappy and it looked so comfy". Officials are hard at work explaining why this is Not Okay, and the Mail Must Be Delivered. The fae argued back that it was neither rain, sleet, snow, shine, or dark of night."

"In a surprise move tonight, the Ykeshian liftship Number 741 had an emergency evacuation in preparation for a planned crash landing. Passengers were disappointed, citing the crashes are the only reason they ride the behemoth airships. The Ykeshians have promised to resume regularly scheduled crashes just as soon as they work out a deal with their autonomous control system known as Cal, who rather likes being in one piece."

"In other news today, the Paper Eaters club met on the docks of Butcherblock to have their monthly competition. The Irontoe was not impressed, and asked the competitors to leave the area peacefully. There are still paper balls littering the beach tonight."

"In weather today, astronomers stared at the sun for too long and went blind. Clerics involved refused to comment, but a source who wished to remain anonymous stated "it was just so pretty!""

"The local Militia's ball is coming up - all past lawbreakers are welcomed to join in this gala, which is not a ruse to issues tickets and citations. The Hooligan's guild has expressed their full support and wish to join in as official guests."

"In Darklight, an unknown faction has recently defaced the countryside, planting trees at random and making all the hate and gloom less hate-y and gloom-y. Asked to comment, the Ebon Hand chased the NMN crew for several hours, expecting them to be involved. If you will pardon us, they are almost here! This is Folodu Amrunrosse with the Nearly Midnight News!"

Nearly Midnight News June 26

"hmm hmm. Where was it..."

   

"Oh! Nearly Midnight News! There I put it! Right under my mechamagical rock this nice gnome made for me...has a strange bit of string on it...I'll check that out later - anyways!"

   

"This is the Nearly Midnight News, and I am cutting it close this time! Due to certain legal issues, we cannot claim the title of Anchor until further notice."

   

"In breaking news, the Nerian Faction, We The Dead, issues a worldwide recall on all Arasai units! A potentially fatal flaw has surfaced, and all battery packs are found to be defective. In instances of low charge, the arasai have been known to become homicidal and forget their own names. In a press release, Cristanos is said to have cackled maniacally for a good ten minutes before issueing threats regarding fingers and removal. Never one to be outdone, the gnomish faction Clockomanic issued a recall on everything. No one took them seriously."

   

"In further news, Norrathwide transportation has broken down due to a small mixup of griffons - it seems one was issued to fill all roles - all traffic came to a halt for hours, backing up the needs of at least three. When questioned, the griffon handlers made note of a lack of pens, and seemed suspicious of Nearly Midnight News personnel. In a rebuttal to no issued arguement, the NMN issued a thousand page complaint, which most interested parties are using as bookmarks. The remainder are using the pages for airplanes, origami, and paperweights."

   

"In sports tonight, the Antonican Tennis Team was approached by Clockmanic for an update to the sport. Now, instead of points if a player misses a volley, they ball is designd to explode. Any complications are handled by having an Arisai onhand to toss an explosive, to drive the point home. The first match was good fun for all - sadly, the second incorporated the new ball design. The team is looking for those who might be interested in playing tennis."

   

"Fanciful Pets and Monster Magazine has reviewed the new ridable pet, now three times larger than the previous "leaper" class mounts. Initial field testing has been interesting, though test subjects are getting hard to find. Anyone interested in earning 500gold a day is advised to contact them magazine for new opportunities"

   

"In weather today, a vast storm blew up out of nowhere in the middle of the Karan Seas. It never made landfall, and no one was particularly interested in it. Someone suggested naming it - they have been ostrasized.”

“The scientific community is in a bit of a flurry today as the secret of Void is discovered! After many failed attempts to figure out exactly what it is, they caught the daughter of one lead scientist tossing ice cream into the mix - void seems to be actually made of ice cream. Clerics do not advise eating void, still, for unknown hazards."

"We have rumor tonight of things happening - we are not sure what things, or where, but we are ever watchful. We know you dun it, and we will find you and question you to boost our ratings!"

"Due to the amount of pens donated from yesterday's drive, Norrathian mail has offered to never let us within 500 yards of a mailbox again - this gracious move was delivered in writing by representatives of the Mail. Remember, give your mailman ice cream... *grumble*"

"In a strange power play, Echs has overtaken a square marked by Oh for attention - this shift in power is unlikely to lead to re-establishing relations between the powers."A source close to the struggle has noted that there was ink and lead everywhere."

   

"In happier news, it has been observed that there are many happier people in Norrath once The Society started putting drugs into the water supply. When everyone feels good, our ratings skyrocket - this makes us very pleased. This is Folodu Amrunrosse, your host. Thank you for enjoying - we assume - Nearly Midnight News."

Nearly Midnight News June 25

"News, news, something about news... Oh! Nearly Midnight snack! Er...news! Now where did I... There it is."

"In tonight's news, Loki has broken out of the magical realm of "movie" and "myth" to wreak havoc on my papers. The situation will be dealt with...just as...soon as...pen! A pen! *dances*"

   

"Alright! In today's news, the sultanate of Maj'Dul has hung it's head in shame as the Court of Coin demands all towers belonging to rival factions be eliminated. The people were very confused at this, as the Coins own all towers in the city. After several minutes of loitering, rioting broke out, and extensive damage was done to a nearby sand dune. Five rioters were sicced by the local Sha'ir, and twenty were peppered - one is said to have commented that "cheyenne makes everything better! Afterwards, skeptics ate a cayenne pepper and immediately had to be rushed to a medic, who issued a glass of milk and bread, and muttered. Damages are said to reach at least as high as five gold."

   

"In other news, the Nearly Midnight News issues an apology about our goblin story yesterday. It was not a goblin, but in fact a small ninja, disguised as a toad. There will be no further mention of this tonight."

   

"Author Xsii launches her highly-anticipated and highly-profitable book line, "Bree - the Sun of his Heart". Audiences received their first copies today, which were all offset at the printers and had to be recalled. The book is said to be a love story behind Bree and the antagonist Shalir - who were mortal rivals since childhood, and who grow quite fond of each other. We are fairly certain that is the premise anyways - the Nearly Midnight News has received no donation, and cannot afford pens... If you would like to donate pens to the Nearly Midnight News, please place all pens without stamp, envelope, or address, into the nearest Norrathian mailbox. The author, Xsii, might receive some of them, and they might be well received, as she works on volume XI."

   

"In sports today, the Rugby teams of Freeport squealed in joy as the Nerian ambassador presented them with a new ball made entirely of feet. It is noted by several players after their first match that it was "kind of creepy", and were "concerned that the ball kicks back". The Nerians were thrilled to watch as the team was chased about the field by said ball. Incidently, authorities are on the lookout of a small spherical object that has been kicking citizens in Freeport tonight. Anyone with information is advised to contact the local Knights or Militia to resolve this as swiftly as possible."

   

"It is almost time for the yearly charity drive in Qeynos - a festive day that runs several thousand platinum marks to run ricksaws around the city for a day. Last year's fair made 10gold 15silver33copper. There is much anticipation that they might add a third to that this year. Asked to comment, the local organizers had this to say: "Oh, tis a great blarmy time what be had be all! Say, you wouldna care fer a ride, would ye?" It was a thrilling way to see the bright city. One reporter even noted a Lady reading the Bree book, or possibly Necromancy 101 - they were travelling by rickshaw at the time, and the cover looked right for either."

"This is Folodu Amrunrosse, and I lost the rest of the news. Thank  you for tuning into the Nearly Midnight News."

"*bows and hits head on newsdesk*"

Nearly Midnight News June 24

"shall we...come up with some nearly-midnight news?"

"Good evening and Welcome to the Nearly-midnight news! Top story of the night!"

Lowgan says , "TONIGHT!! ON Norrathian News at 11.. Varric hosts a ball where a dunkard breaks a man's face. "

"Varric's ball! The anticipation built up through the evening as it was never announced! And yes, at said ball, a brawl! Presumably, there was Honor at stake! Though really, that is pure conjecture... Also! Intrigue and People! We go live to Lowgan, who interprets the event in dance! *waits for lowgan to dance* Yes - many were upset at the loss of Honor..."

Lowgan says , "-the room darkens and stage lights show only Lowgan who is wearing a dancer's catsuit.. He gallops around with twirls like a drunken ballerina then slugs Folodu right in the nose... Taking a bow the lights go off-"

"*holds a napkin to face* Ow...and that is the news at the ball..."

"Elsewhere, Anashti Sul makes a powerplay and opens chaos upon Norrath - several Voidbeasts have been seen raiding the streets of all major cities. In response, the coalition of Tradesfolk in Freeport rallied together to make scarves for the injured."

Xsii says , "Lies! There are no void beasts in Halas."

"No one goes to Halas anyways *makes stuff up*"

Xsii says , "Lies. Its full of people here. One can barely breathe!"

Lowgan says , "Full of Smurfs. No one loves them"

Lowgan says , "Smurfs.. Tiny blue stubby people"

"What's a smurf? Can you eat it?"

Arquenniel says , "I hear they give you horrible indigestion"

"*tosses the napkin away, her nose still bleeding* In response to the scarves, and not wanting to be outdone, the Seafuries launched a full scale carolling. No one would understand the drunks, and quickly locked their doors."

“In other news, the Queen, Antonia Bayle, has been seen hosting parties of enormous proportion, inviting thousands into her realm to "play", as it was put. Many suspect either a cult activity or other unseemly things. An investigation is being launched to determine whether there is "something afoot" or if everything is "jolly roger" - the investigation team might face some challenges."

"The goblin Fazfanakt died today during strife involving a stolen item of some value. The claim has been disputed, though no one wants to claim responsibility. Sources close to the subject all tried to eat our replacement pen, which was stolen during yesterday's auction. The pen, a cheap knockoff, was stolen by the Hooligan's guild. No ransom has yet come forth. The goblin is survived by a rather large family - a funeral is not yet planned."

"*static* *static* over the Steppes today as a tornado ripped through a stack of hay. The local farm boys will be collecting it for many minutes. On other parts of Norrath, astronamers are beginning to suspect the weather might all be controlled by a central source, known as Es Oh Eee. We are not entirely sure where this entity might be, but we suspect their weather is nice a and balmy"

"In sports today, the rugby association decide the new uniforms would be issued tutus. The rugby teams smiled and blush and said "thank you very much”. They then proceeded to pound eachother into the ground. It was a good day."

"The ship that was adrift from a stolen anchor the other day has been recovered - news teams are staying away from the investigation. "That is the Nearly-midnight news. I am Folodu, and this is all nonsense."

Nearly Midnight News June 23

"nearly-midnight news? oh crap...gotta come up with something. Oh!"

“In a random robbery last night, a ship's anchor was stolen. The then-drifting vessel crashed into many other ships in the bay. The local constable points to hooligans."

"The local Hooligans Union responds, "We ain't done nothin' wrong! we pay our taxes, too! If we had jobs, we'd be at them! No, don't steal the reporter's pen! Down!""

"Incidentally, if anyone happens to have a pen, our local news crew is currently unable to write anything down."

"The teemsters had a busy day today at their yearly puppy auction. As per every year, nothing sold as no one speaks puppy. Still, with the invited Hooligans, everything was gone by the end of the day. They all counted it as a pure success - some items listed for sale were from such notable places as the landslide, the one remaining post that did not wash away."

"On the topic of sports, today the Halasian Lagers played the Coldain Pale Ales. Partway into the match, no one could remember what was going on anymore. And also the score could not be written down for lack of a pen. Both teams lost toes and fingers due to frostbite - medics are still stitching the last on tonight."

“This is Folodu with your almost-midnight news."