*steps up to a pile of dust and sighs*
"You know, I might just have to clean that myself. Maybe I should have just taken a disinfecting wipe to it or something… But the burning was pretty neat..."
*shuffles a few papers*
"Well, anyways. Welcome to the Nearly Midnight News, April Fools Edition!"
Kaimos tells rplfg, "finally"
"Er...May Flowers Edition? TIME! WITH WEATHER! That may and may not be snow. I am your anchorette, Folodu Amrunrosse. And I have very little planned tonight, which is not much dissimilar from most nights!"
Karreth tells rplfg, "Along with Smarch, we now have the month: May-not"
"May-not? How am I supposed to work that in the calendar? Maybe it has twelve days, and I pull some from Frostfell… Add an hour to November… And draw smiley faces on October. There! Good as new!"
"In tonight's news, we have a shocking case of Dragon Love brought to light!"
"It seems, what with the cities being held under siege for so long, a few of the more impressionable minded have taken a slight liking to our oppressive Dragon regime."
"This phenomena, known as Dragon-Bubble Stockholm Syndrome (how it's Stockholm, when there is no Stockholm in Norrath, we may never know), has been observed in a large portion of people who, for some reason, refer to themselves as "Furry", regardless of the dragons not having fur at all, and usually they don't either!"
Ikro tells rplfg, "No no, we are scalies. Do your research!"
Saireena tells rplfg, "that is, basically, true"
"In the words of one prominent cultist, "We are Scalies! Hisss!" Mind you, they were hissing with a non-forked tongue. And also, there was some mention of a Temeraire, though it was like speaking Gnoll to me."
Ikro tells rplfg, "Iksar do not have forked tongues either."
Hyalit tells rplfg, "Iksars got blue tongues don't they!"
"Hey, who's doing the news here? We don't need to facts for News! We just need a fifth of whiskey and some dice… and a new dartboard."
Ikro tells rplfg, ":P"
Saireena tells rplfg, "is this a Fox subsidiary? it must be"
"And maybe a spot of coffee? Venti caramel macchiato with a side of coffee."
Corydonn tells rplfg, "What have I logged in to."
Hyalit tells rplfg, "Will they have blue fox furries in the new expac?"
"So anyways! Scalies! Probably better for you than Scabies, but I imagine the itching is still present."
"In further news, Norrath experienced quite a shock yesterday when everyone lost consciousness for something called an "Update". I feel no better informed, but at least my hand no longer looks like a bat wing."
Karreth tells rplfg, "lol"
"For those who have experienced this or other such problems, they are unique experiences, and it really is just you, you freaks. Don't bother seeking a counsellor. They wont understand. It's best just to give all your money it the NMN staff so that we can afford research."
"Or at least a picture book so we can tell what kind of tongue iksar have. Not that it comes up often, mind you."
"So, money. Send it. Your life will have meaning again. Maybe."
Ikro tells rplfg, "Rounded tip, very long. Iksar can lick their eyes to clean them."
"Elsewhere on Norrath, NMN staffers were creeped out when an iksar licked their own eye."
Xiathe tells rplfg, "Just the tip."
Alupia tells rplfg, "(LOL)"
Kaimos tells rplfg, "delicious"
"There is nothing else to report, and this incident seems limited to a few social graces that have not been instilled. Like when Kerra lick themselves in public."
Ikro tells rplfg, "And here I was going to be nice.."
Karrha tells rplfg, "That's for your edification."
"Or Koada get all high and holier-than-thou. Or when Teir torture their little brother. Which totally is the same thing, but a little different."
Fendrigal tells rplfg, "I'm sure everyone tortures their little brothers..."
Alupia tells rplfg, "My little brothers happen to -like- when I torture them. Of course they are also Koada'dal... hmm… My family is very twisted."
"Moving on! In further news, a new bar is going to be openning...what, in a little over a week? It will be called the Harpy, and the proprietor expects very large tips in the form of coins."
"I am possibly getting some kick-backs to say that. So tip good or you will continue to suffer the Wrath of the News. Also, it's very classy in there, and suits us soldiers quite well."
"So look for the Harpy in a week!"
"In other, more personal news… It rained, and a bunch of snails came out. I have here about a pound and a half in a couple jars."
Coribyn tells rplfg, "What...no earthworms?"
Susana tells rplfg, "I took the earthworms already."
"I'll probably have to put a picture on the RM forums..."
Susana tells rplfg, "They're fantastic for mash."
Kaimos tells rplfg, "please, no more pinworms"
Coribyn tells rplfg, "Oh, i see"
"Because it's seriously kind of creepy, how their little eyestalks are all moving and waving about."
"And as I opened the door, I disturbed a nest of sparrows, and my idiot failcat ran out and snatched one out of midair! and ran off with it."
Xiathe tells rplfg, "That sounds like the opposite of failing to me."
"A cat that can’t jump 17 inches onto a couch. Yea, he's an idiot savant. More idiot than savant."
Kaimos tells rplfg, "surely to give it a ride home?"
"Probably. To a very eternal home."
Fendrigal tells rplfg, "*starts a release the snails petition followed by picketing with signs*"
*starts an escargot club*
"In weather tonight, it's... dear gods, I don't want to look. The paper is going to say snowing in Thurgadin. It -always- says snowing in Thurgadin!"
“...raining littler frogs in Feerrott. Well. there is a change of pace."
Xiathe tells rplfg, "Let's talk about the weather in the only place that matters. Neriak."
"Neriak will continue to experience eternal night until they get their collective Teir heads straight and move somewhere where there is sun. Like Maj’Dul."
Alupia tells rplfg, "*hisses*"
Xiathe tells rplfg, "But Maj'dul is bright. And ugly. And smelly. And not dark."
"Also, that will take care of their little vampire problem."
Alupia tells rplfg, "We are not a problem. We are population control… *smirks*"
Vaelenn tells rplfg, "But vampires are hot without the sun."
"NMN! Solving societal problems one city at a time!"
Susana tells rplfg, "Neriak needs population control like Norrath needs another sundering. Have you seen how vacant these places are? The sparse NPC population is appalling."
Kaimos tells rplfg, "i want riotous crowds!!!"
"And now to an expert on vampires, Field Agent Folodu! "
"Thank you! We have vampires! A whole slew of them in the Faydark! Well, a little less than before, after a few adventurers went into the castle."
Xiathe tells rplfg, "Now THAT'S population control."
Kaimos tells rplfg, "vampires are just doing the jobs others wont do"
"I think they went to give Mayong a gift basket."
Vaelenn tells rplfg, "OF PAIN!"
"It had water, and some kindling. And someone brought a pound of rice. Which no one could figure out why! Back to you!"
Kaimos tells rplfg, "sounds like a wedding"
"Wow, adventurers are weird!"
"Further upcoming events include Pay It Forward and the ... What is it, Faydwer Faire? The one where they have all the cupcakes and fae flying around singing Kum By Ah?”
“Nothing serious to report there. News is for maiming."
"Of which, tonight in sports, we saw the Thundermist Centaurs versus the Splitpaw Gnolls for a rousing game of "Kill as many as you can"!"
Coribyn tells rplfg, "*mumbles* why would anyone want to cook Mayong some rice...he would not give them enough time to do so anyways"
"While the game is still going strong, the crowd favorite tonight, the Gnolls, have arranged a cheer leading squad. Come out and see it! But not too closely, as I have heard Gnolls have Plague. And are ugly."
"Thank you for tuning in. I was your anchorette, Folodu Amrunrosse. And now I'm on a horse!"