*pushes a big desk into the room made out of sumac. It seems to be poorly constructed - on the far end of it, a pile of ashes is pushed over.*
"There - new desk."
*jumps on top of the desk and takes a seat*
"Good morning and welcome to the Nearly Midnight News.”
“I am your anchorette, Folodu Amrunrosse. Tonight, as with most nights, I haven't a farkin' clue what I'm doing. So! Let's see what we can come up with!"
*pulls a piece of paper from her pocket and unfolds it*
“Hmm hmm hmm… No, that's dull. Boring. Too easy. Ah! Here we go!"
"The Department of Gnomeland Security would like to remind everyone that Bleeding Hearts is bad for your health. It recommends also not changing your clockwork every six months, and never, ever doing maintenance on it.”
“Additionally, a bleeding heart is bad for your health, and they would love to send you to a doctor. Preferably in Halas. Because they already got that figured out, and they have better things to do with their time."
"In other news, Baxter Johnson, son of the infamous Johnson Street Twins mob boss Bubba Johnson, formally apologized today for all the bank robberies. It is suspected that it was insincere, as he was robbing a bank at the time.”
“One prominent citizen did note that he was crying at the time. The only other witness, a small kitten, had this to say. "Mow....Meooooowww. Mow. Me. Meh... Purrr.". And then he fell asleep."
"For those seeking to bring Baxter to justice, he has left his calling card as per usual, signed only: B. Johnson. 4250 First Street, With the usual tag line, "We do it all, from petty theft to conspiracy!"
Corovar tells RPLFG, "I shall have to pursue this enemy against justice."
"In other news, the plague striking the gnolls down has run its course. Mostly by killing the gnolls.”
“Oh well. Good riddance. For those who cared, oh darn."
"In lighter news this evening, the Erudin or Paineel have decided to open the Vigilant to tours and tea with the Captain. The tea will be 20 minutes in duration, and you are not to make eye contact. Failure to follow this and 47 other arbitrary rules will result in death."
"The annual Gorowyn Kite Festival happened without a flaw for the seventh year running."
"It seems that previously, there were a lot of things to be hidden dangers, like bikes, and infants, when flying a kite. However, since the change, there have been no kites and no deaths"
Flo: "The evidence is clear, and must be obeyed."
Corovar tells RPLFG, "..... o.o"
"Incidentally, Old Man Dave is now sure proficient at keeping kite-flyers off his lawn. We are sure these are unrelated."
"In weather tonight, there was snow in Maj'Dul."
Amarillan tells RPLFG, "gerroff mah lawn"
Corovar tells RPLFG, "Wait, what? snow in Maj'Dul? I'm missing it."
"Not that is mattered much, as it melted about 143.6 miles above the atmosphere."
Corovar tells RPLFG, "........"
Corovar tells RPLFG, "-cries-"
"However, the occasion will be celebrated every year on this day now by means of throwing candy at little children in what must be assumed a very Nerian response."
"The Nearly Midnight News is brought to you in part by: Me. Need more me? Send cash, gold, or silver. Don't expect much on your return, however."
"Thank you for tuning in. I am your Anchorette, Folodu Amrunrosse."