Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Nearly Midnight News, October 18
*steps up to a large acorn desk with some burned papers off to one side*
“Maybe I should clean up my own mess… Management seems fit to have cut the upkeep crew, at the very least..."
Kinra tells rplfg, "when ARE you going to clean up your own mess, Folodu?"
"Probably never - it ruins the running gag."
Kinra tells rplfg, "... *snickers*"
"Of which, here is a mental image. Streaking trolls. Running gag. Hah."
"Welcome to another edition of the Nearly Midnight News! We have all sorts of things happening in Norrath this week!"
Kinra tells rplfg, "... Can I gag myself to near asphyxiation thanks to that imagery..? *shudders*"
"In Thurgadin tonight, a spree of mass murders has been committed!"
Kaimos tells rplfg, "finally."
"A detachment of Rime soldiers on leave to visit the city has all been slain."
Kinra tells rplfg, "Oh dear, that sounds depressing."
"A few bloodied coldain deny ever having seen them, though they were reportedly in the same bar."
Szuzka tells rplfg, "Guess they didn't like the beer."
Kevtiln tells rplfg, "primitive folk"
"One even called the other by name, stating "Bill over there knew what he was getting into. May his corpse rot... no, not seen him before in me life""
Kaimos tells rplfg, "savages."
Szuzka tells rplfg, "Typical result of running out of peanuts."
"I know! The Rime army has been charged with drunken and disorderly conduct, and for littering and making a mess. The Rime, of course, respond in the usual way and made a grab for more land. All is as usual in Thurgadin."
"In other news, the Hua Mein don't like people. Not even cute people. Or cuddly people. Though they have a fondness for people who bring food. A potluck is to be organized at some date. Check in with your local homicidal Hua Mein guard today!"
Kaimos tells rplfg, "what of the Kawaii?"
Szuzka tells rplfg, "Are you also going to inform us that they're big boned panda people?"
"No, that would be mean. They are just misunderstood. And fat. Might have to do with the food, and it might have to do with being bears.” “
Szuzka tells rplfg, "Well if it was the latter I'd say husky. But no. They're fat. And stoopid."
“We will not speculate, and neither should you. Yes, you. The one with the hat on."
Szuzka tells rplfg, "...I knew someone was watching me sleep."
"Of which, I got a last minute report from a Local Citizen Who Is Concerned."
Alteru tells rplfg, "Why are so many Ornate Chests just left lying to rot?"
Kinra tells rplfg, "Loot ALL OF THE ORNATE CHESTS! *clears throat, readjusts goggles, and then flees*
Szuzka tells rplfg, "I think you should start asking how those crates came out of people's bodies first. Do we all have ornate crates inside of us?"
Mardawn tells rplfg, "I do?"
"Kaimos, a citizen of somewhere, was seen running through the streets of Freeport in a party hat, a loin cloth, and with a beer in hand. The Dread Guard seem to not notice, so this must be appropriate party attire. For more information on how to dress this Nights of the Dead, please ask your local Gigglegibber or Dread Guard. For Qeynosians, the Dread Guard would really like to talk to you."lease form a line in West Freeport. A new Haircut is to be tested out for all willing and unwilling participants."
Kinra tells rplfg, "*snicker*"
Szuzka tells rplfg, "This sounds like it can only end in hugs, kisses and no oppression."
"Which leads me to our sponsors. The Festival of Discord is fast approaching. This year's Festival is brought to you by John DeLancie. Remember the Festival of Discord for all your twisted heart's desires and shrimp. The dates are in November, supposedly, but for a festival all about throwing things off and all that, I wouldn't believe them. Even so, look for information around the 3rd or the 9th. I hear there is to be an execution!"
Abysmalixia tells rplfg, "I hope it's not me."
"In line with such gloriously evil news, the Nights of the Dead are upon us! And really upon the soon-to-be-executed! For those wanting a good time, please wear your party suit without silver or collars and stop by Somborn!"
"The Goblins are trying once again to participate in a holiday, and they only seem to get it right for the NotD. We thank their efforts, but really could do without the Bowl of Chum"
Kinra tells rplfg, "Or that ghoulash that was found along with the bowl of chum."
"For those wishing for a good fright, please stop by the Haunted Mansion. It's haunted. They were rich."
Szuzka tells rplfg, "Dang spoilers."
"Yep. Not much else going on there. Don't forget to practice your dance moves!"
Kinra tells rplfg, "I like to spin in place; it's super fun!
Szuzka tells rplfg, "Until you throw up that is."
“There is tell of a badger infestation at the Ironforge Estate. Badgers are evil and full of spite. I would not be surprised to see them commanding Mistmoore-ian armies soon."
Kinra tells rplfg, "Ever since we started to accidentally mistaken them for ore."
Goblet tells rplfg, "*peeks in and passes out random hugs and cookies*"
"Also, rocks. Not sure why rocks, but rocks."
Szuzka tells rplfg, "Badger rocks. I knew it. The end times are here."
"The Maj'Dul volleyball tournament was cancelled after several weeks after running out of equipment. The regulation severed head ball has met with short supply, and the demand for this sport is not enough to call for a special fund to be taken up. We are sorry for the inconvenience for those with Fantasy Volleyball league teams."
Szuzka tells rplfg, "Thanks for the...heads-up."
Kinra tells rplfg, *sadness* "Har, har, very punny."
"However, you can still make money off of who will make the biggest boasts for next year's games!"
Szuzka tells rplfg, "I could not resist."
Kinra tells rplfg, "*facepalm*"
"Remember, season tickets are not for sale, and scalpers are still the only way to attend anything in Maj'Dul."
"New news regarding Qho! Actually, no, there isn't. He's dead and no one misses him.”
Kinra tells rplfg, "YAY!"
Xaniel tells rplfg, "YAY!"
“Except his sister, who has taken to performing strange and random dances in his memory."
Kinra tells rplfg, "... Aww."
Szuzka tells rplfg, "Yay insanity!"
Kinra tells rplfg, "Children are demons.. *grumbles angrily*"
"The NMN staff would like to remind everyone that the staff is not paid."
Kinra tells rplfg, "Wait, they aren't?"
"Please help us collect the requisite number of kitten tears to fund our efforts of world domination."
Xaniel tells rplfg, "/tosses candy"
Szuzka tells rplfg, "Can we pay them in licks to the nose?"
"Kitten tears are still the only way to dominate the world."
Kinra tells rplfg, "What about orphan tears? Or are they too psychedelic?"
Szuzka tells rplfg, "I'll have to milk a few more kittens then."
"We thank you for listening in to this week's Nearly Midnight News. I'm Folodu Amrunrosse, and I make puppies cry."