Nearly Midnight News: December 28

Folodu: "Poor gnomes. It's either big noses, big hairs, or big breasts. Or gnomish brilliance."
Oakwyrd :: "and when you have all it's a natural disaster waiting to happen."
Nallena :: "Another word for concussively-inclined?"
Rotisin :: "Bobastic?"

"Hello and welcome to the Nearly Midnight News: Frozen Edition! Tonight we have gnomes! Figure that one out!"

Alupia :: "nearly Midnight? You're 15 minutes late!"
Rotisin :: "Bombastic"
Folodu: "Or an hour and 15 late. Or early!"
Susana :: "Very late for central! Either way, get on with it. :D"
Folodu: "And if you have a date line issue, not even night!"

"In tonight's news, The gnomes announce a new branch for Gnomeland Security. The Department of Agric. While it can be assumed they might mean farming, one can never be sure. One little typo can mean a lot between plowing for corn and plowing for hallucinogenic mushrooms. Which, we hear tell, may and may not be banned in Freeport."

Nallena :: "Silly Folodu... you don't plow for mushrooms, you poop for them."

"Close enough. And stay away from those gnomes. You don't want to know. And since sensible people are taller, you never know when they might be at it, as the distance to the ground is already questionable."

Oakwyrd :: "ha"
Susana :: "-snerk-"

"NMN: Bringing you anti-gnomic sentiment since right now! In a startling news item, Lord Mayong has opened his home graciously to all for the current Frostfell activities. In a direct quote, he states," It would please me to have you for dinner. Stop by anytime for a bite.""

Susana :: "Awww yeah, free food."
Alupia :: "*snerk*"
Susana :: "Yay!"

"While NMN staff found this to be gracious and touching, those who enjoy heavy garlic in their meals are going to be disappointed and also turned away. All gifts consisting of small particulate matter will also not be permitted, nor will the crossing of streams or other forms of running water. For those needing restroom facilities, there will be no accommodations. Remember, Mayong is your friend."

"In related news, something new has happened with Frostfell. The old wonderland village is gone replaced by desolate wastes. The citizens are frozen solid, and no life can be found. Frostfell might be cancelled unless some halfwit can be conned into working for beans or "coins" made exclusively of ice. The con is up, McScroogle! We know your game..."

Emeraven :: "I have no idea where you would find a lot of those..."

"For those who invest so many hours and months into planning for this festive event, we offer our condolences. We shall miss you, Frostfell. And all your halfwit goblins and bajillion harvests. And now for a word from our sponsors. *shuffles a paper* Ah. It seems they are all at Mayong's… Well, I am sure we will hear from them before long."

Susana :: "Lucky guys, free food"

"In a surprising turn of events, Maj'Dul declines once again to celebrate Frostfell. It seems they had the right idea with this new deathtrap holiday. It seems there was a feud with Santa Glug, who refused to deliver gifts with no snow. And now there is only Frozen Glug. The citizens might not notice, as staring at the sun is still the only occupation besides begging and playing on the Maj'Dul Volleyball team."

"Which leads to our next news article, the Maj'Dul Volleyball league has declared a cessation of its matches until such time as Santa Glug can return the regulation severed head volleyball he took last month. The league has been fraught with issues this year, and seems to always have an equipment shortage. No one really seems to know why. NMN staff begins to suspect that certain Marans might consider the equipment to be harvests in need of close inspection."

Susana :: "-sighs- Always ruining the fun."

"No one knows for sure, but the Augrens had this to say. "Qho is not here right now. He was crushed by rocks - you reported it, so you know! You go find him elsewhere. Go! Get!" Leading certain NMN staff to wonder: has Qho survived after all of this?"

Dyrimm :: "Qho is eternal."

"Anyone with information is a conspirator and will meet the same fate as that little twerp. *grumblemutters* I'll finish you yet, Qho… Ahem."

Oakwyrd :: "and your little dog too!"

"Qeynos has broken it's budget this year. It seems with all the polishing needing to happen all over the city, there are no funds left for guards, roads, or water. Known as "that sparkly city over there" to non-residents and "Who? No, I can’t see the city because I'm blind!" to the regulars, Qeynos may fall into some slight disrepair this year. Words being bandied about include "There is actually something non-reflective here?" to "Oh, I wouldn't have married you if I could see you!" There is very little else to report on this subject at this time. Please donate to your local Keep Qeynos Blindingly Bright charity today!"

"The queen is our last news item this evening. It seems Her Majesty has been banned from snowball fights because "She doesn't have the right kind of dress" per regulation code c subsection b. Which states quite clearly, "If one shall wear a dress, it must expose as much thigh as you were born into the world with". Antonia, not missing a beat, promptly threw a snowball at the judge."

Susana :: "Niiiice."

"This earned three demerits and a fine, which the city is unable to pay, as well as an afternoon in the penalty box. This brings the Lucan/Antonia rivalry to 147 demerits versus 181. Total fines charged to date could buy Deathknell twice over. For those keeping score at home, a new play symbol has been added. Please check your Nearly Midnight Guide for details."

"I am your Anchorette Folodu Amrunrosse, and this has been a Frostfellian Midnight News."