Nearly Midnight News July 6

"*clears throat* *stage whisper* Is it on? Are we recording?"

Amriel says "/whispers 'You have been on since you came out of the bathroom, now wash your hands!"

"Well, we would...but... This evening's Nearly Midnight News is brought to you from a special location! We are guests until further notice of the Knights! Fine dining and fancy meals must surely come our way - though we had to beg and plead for the equipment to come with us. NMN, good at talking it's way into having large equipment in small spaces."

"In tonight's news, we have several interesting pieces. The first would take us out to Feerott, except for the quarantine currently in place. It seems the malaria outbreak in Ykesha has spread, and now most of the ancient holy temples in the jungle next door are infected as well. The NMN advises a change in travel plans."

"In other news, We would loved to have our newsdesk, but the chance to spend a length of time with the illustrious band of noble men and women guarding Freeport insisted, stating such grand things as, "Any caught spying on the business of Freeport will be handled accordingly as traitors. They will be summarily dealt with." And so, here we are. If anyone gets a good look at our desk, please tell us about it!"

"In others news, the Windstalker cross country team  has officially been granted personhood by the Queen Antonia. Asked about their shift in status, they made the following statement, "We are cross country - resistance is futile." The NMN decided that it was a little strange, and so challenged them to a race. We won. Unless someone tells them we are here...which is probably not a good thing to mention."

"In sports news today, the Odus Frisbee team lost their prized disc when high winds caught it near the edges of the landmass. They expect to know exactly where it lands just as soon as they decide with parabolic path it took. Debate is fierce several hours later, and looks like it will go til sunrise."

"The Everfrost Ice Skaters shipping union went on strike today, citing low pay, hazardous conditions, and not being allowed to look in the packages they ship. It is unclear if the shipping magnate will clear this up with the dockworkers and ship hands or if it will cut its losses."

"A random survey was done today, wondering how many Norrathians knew the names of both moons. Only about 3 percent did, and 97 percent seemed not to know there were two at all. In a follow up survey, the researchers plan on asking how many fingers griffons have. Lead sociologist Fizzlethorpe suspects there will be interesting results."

"In a random crime spree today, two children under the age of thirty were seen stealing candy from two stalls. When questioned, both claimed it was freely given. The NMN has taken it upon itself to file reports."

"In a survey of Prisoners in Freeport reveals that most are quite happy with where they are right now, especially when the guards are present. We expect Lucan might issue longer sentences to accommodate. In a related bit of gossip, guards do not like their prisoners trying to pick the locks. This is frowned upon greatly, and we suspect the assistant with me might need medical attention."

"For those interested in more on this subject, something known as "bail" needs posted, as we are being told that this conversation is at an end - are you sure I can't? -it's just weather..."

"In weather tonight, expect rain, as if small assistants crying from the sky upon you!"

"This is Folodu Amrunrosse, and this is an interrogation!"

The Knowing of Deities and their Disciples

Archivist's Note:
This is a prime example of the intersection of academic and legalistic historiography in the Era of Destiny. Since the collapse of the Citadel and the resulting years of civil strife as the Barons vied for power in Freeport, the Third Brigade vastly expanded their reach under the War Powers Act of A.S. 2590, and resulted in many studies such as these being produced. The study of such treatises is valuable to the student who seeks a deeper understanding of D'Lerian culture, and is preserved in our archives for its value as a historical record. The Third Brigade holds a position of great strength to this day, and in many cases remains the final adjudicator of treason and blasphemy among the registered citizens. It is advised that the philosophy laid out below be considered when engaging with any adherent thereof.

- - -

This is a study of the deities of Norrath and how their religious sects interact with Lucanic Law and Stricture. This writing is done as culmination of the efforts of trying to understand why one wishes to follow a presence that is not interactive in the way that Lucan interacts with us.

It is discovered that all gods and their worship is anathema to Lucanic Law.

In order of their most commonly known names, a listing of anathema.

Anashti Sul - The Banished one. Unable to stay in good standing with others, therefore Lucan has no need for the weakness of those with no alliances or support. Anashti Sul is anathema for also being now of the Void, where her minions are chaos embodied. Chaos is anti-Lucanic.

Bertoxxulous - The Plaguebringer. If Lucan wishes plague upon his people, he will bring it. Any deity wishing to circumvent Lucan’s will within his walls is anathema. Lucan gives life, and he can take it at any rate he sees fit.

Brell Serilis - Duke of Below. Nearly all underground dwellers claim him as their god, including dwarves and goblins. There is none above the might and grandeur of Lucan, and so holding any god before him is anathema. The races that claim him are chaotic in nature, either outright attacking for the joy of it, or inventing reasons such as “good” or “right” - Lucan finds these distinctions chaotic and irrelevant, and so are anathema.

Bristlebane - The Prankster. Chaos, pure and simple. Chaos goes against the very nature of Lucan’s Law and Order, and so is anathema. Any and all followers trying to claim bringing joy and happiness are undermining Lucan, and so are traitors and vandals.

Cazic-Thule - The Faceless. Bringers of fear. If one follows the Law of Lucan, one need not know Fear. Any caught with fear in them is weak and should be destroyed for the benefit of the city. Fear is anathema.

Erolissi Marr - Queen of Love. There is no greater love than that for our Overlord Lucan. All others distracts from him, and is treasonous. While it is expected that the citizens mingle among themselves, mortal and gods should not. Erolissi is a subtle and spiteful goddess and is anathema for leading Good Citizens astray.

Innoruuk - Prince of Hate. To hate all is to hate Lucan. This is anathema.

Karana - Rain Keeper. Any who try to claim dominion over the skies of Freeport is a heretic and therefore anathema. Lucan permits it to rain or not as he sees fit. That there is a force behind this suits his purpose.

Mithaniel Marr - Truthbringer. There is no truth more pure than that of service to Lucan and his Law. The Marr brother is a known enemy of Freeport and its people, and should be shunned publicly and destroyed privately. It must never be forgotten that it was the followers of Marr that tried to destroy our city, and is therefore anathema.

Quellious - the Tranquil. Followers of peace and curiosity. Lucan will tell us when there is peace, and when we need to know a thing. Seeking before it is granted is anathema.

Rallos Zek - the Warlord. Lucan will also tell us when there is war. To try to claim this power from him is to defy Lucanic Law, and is anathema. While death for the weak is advised, it will be Lucan’s will to determine when and where. We are his to use as he needs us.

Rodcet Nife - Prime Healer. If Lucan demands our life from us, then it is anathema for another to give it back. As seekers to end disease and death, it is anathema to undo what Lucan decides to use us for.

Solusek Ro - Burning Prince. Fire within the city is chaos and destruction embodied. If Lucan should decide to use this tool on his city, then so be it. To try to use it outside of his will is anathema.

Tribunal - Council of Justice. While it might seem the Tribunal might be within Lucanic Law, Lucan will use whatever tool he sees fit, including orders outside of his Law based on the need he knows might be there. Therefore, the Tribunal is anathema.

Tunare - Mother of All. Creator of Koada’dal and Feir’dal. Her servants will always seek to destroy what they cannot understand. Lucanic Law protects us from these cultists who wish to draw the blood from anything that is not of her doing. Lucan built our city, gives us shelter, and guards us from Her agents. She seeks to destroy Freeport, and is anathema.

Ullkorruuk - Lady of Insurrection. While not a deity in the classic sense, her perview is treason. This is, of course, anti-Lucanic.

While dispensations might be given for those who might choose to also have faith in these anathema abstractions, true disciples are traitors or will soon be traitors, and should be treated as such.

Page Luddiicia 

Nearly Midnight News July 5

July 5
"News update! On Tonight's Nearly Midnight News! Gnomish Inventions - great ideas, or deathtraps to kill us all?"
"An exhaustive and thorough opinion of paranoia!"
"Also, Bacon: Myth or Reality. More happening...tomorrow!"
"Alright alright, how about now..."
"*looks around for musterded Knights*"
"Whew!"
Goldenn says "*wonders if they have to catsup?*"
Arquenniel says "/gives orders to ready the canons and spear canons..."

"All clear! Welcome to tonight's Nearly Midnight News! We have several big stories tonight, including Forks! The next utensil of popular opinion! But first, we must take a moment to remember those of us not here - those who are now pantless. Khimyra. She collected on pair she shouldn't have, and is recovering. Everyone please donate a pair from your closet to the NMN. We promise I am totally not trying to get a competing collection."

"In lighter news today, the gnomes of the wastelands of Ykesha have contracted a more virulent form of malaria. When asked about their new discovery, they excitedly told us, "Git back ye gurt fool! It's 'n'th'air now, ye ken!" We promptly had to know more, and get right in the middle of things - our insurance has now cut us from their services. If anyone would like to donate a cleric, we would greatly appreciate it."

"During our trip within the Moors, we discovered our pen was stolen - while better than eaten by goblins, We Are Not Pleased. The return of it, or the donation of a news one would be appreciated. But NOT by the mail system - the NMN is still under ban of use related to donation scams - said one investigator, "They are idiots - why does anyone listen to them?" He had no pen."

"A recent incident with the dirge-singers union and the undertakers consortium has halted all crying and bawling at funerals today. Until this matter is laid to rest, there is a ban on grief. When questions regarding the incident were bandied about, both sides looked dour and a few bright metal flashes were seen. NMN staff vacated the premises hastily."

"In a surprise today, the Fancy was closed for "remodeling", which the NMN believes is code for "hiring new models". While the old staff was quite well appreciated, we eagerly await the new arrivals. In a replacement venue, the Crown was open, and what a swinging night it was! Pole dancing on the counters, drunken brawls, and angry words are just some of the things we are making up! The NMN staff procured an applejuice and eagerly watched it all - at least until applejuice ran out. At such a point, there was much Grief and Angst until a dirge-singer representative showed up and put a stop to all that. After being escorted off the premises for some "getting physical", NMN staffer Folodu was seen to be disposing of evidence in the Bay. There were no witnesses."

"In a strange turn of events, the group that Does Not Exist, the Morag Tong, continues to recruit, though no one knows it. When asking no one about the old members, we were quietly pointed to the spot at the bay we had just vacated. There were hasty "goodbyes" and "have a nice day" all around."

"The Nearly Midnight News must send a thank you out to someone - tomorrow, we are to receive a desk made of pure Acorn word. There was some mention of "nuts" and knowing looks at the prestigious news station. If the giver of such a fine desk would like to claim their due thanks for such a donation, we will happily report something, most likely made up, er.... researched intensively for them."

"In sports tonight, the Nerian Longshots went toe to toe with the Kunark Crushers in a thrilling game of jacks. The Nerians, of course, claimed the giants cheated. No special issue sports equipment was issued for the game. The woeful Tier were later visited by the dirge-singer, and informed their attitude must change immediately by contractual agreement. Always honor-bound, the team saw to it immediately."

"The Karan Swim team was to race the Halasian synchronized swimming team today, but due to yesterday's case of hypothermia, the match was cancelled. No spectators will be issued refunds for the special stadium built for the event. Asked to respond, the owners of the venue were noted to not care very much, and mumbled something about taxes and loans. After an attempt to shake down the NMN, the venue vanished. Djinn are suspected."

"In weather today, storms batter the Loping Plains after a long drought, causing flash flooding and landslides. No one is reported injured at this time, though many are missing. One recent arrival to the city said something beginning with "Mist-" before the others around him silenced the man. Our curiosity was not piqued, and we left."

"In the Thundering Steppes, there was, of course, lightning. No one was surprised, and this is not really an incident worthy of mention."

"This is Folodu Amrunrosse with the Nearly Midnight News - thank you, and stay happy. You are contractually bound to."

Council Summons

~ The dispatch is on crisp, heavy linen paper. It is handwritten in the angular letters of the common trade language, and sealed with red wax. The seal has the sign of three swords over flame. ~

The Praetor and Protector of the Amicae
To the people of the Amicae and the Vigiles among them:

Amicae: In the name of your ancestors and the dead generations of soldiers from which you receive your steadfastness, your writ and traditions, your Praetor summons you to the standard of the Vigiles, the ever-watchful. The drum of war is sounded, and the anvil of liberty rings forth.

Having organized and trained the Vigiles in secret and in the open, to guard all Amicae; having perfected discipline and silence; having awaited resolutely the day our liberties could be shown to the world; now the pattern of time has unfolded an opportunity for glory. Supported by the souls of those who laid down in blood, and those who have chosen to return to the bondage of tyrants for the good of coming generations, but relying first on the strength within our own ranks: in the sacred mystery by which one and one and one together carry more than each alone ever could, we strike in full confidence of victory.

We declare now to the world the right of the Amicae to the unfettered pursuit of their destinies, without regard to the petty circumstances of birth or the avarice of gods and mortals. The abysmal usurpation of that right by any creature makes them our enemy, now and hereafter. In every generation there are those who forget the consequence of attempting such invasion: we must never let them forget that the final victory shall ever be ours.

Let this hereby stand as a declaration of resolve, and a summons to the council of war: the shield and spear of the Amicae be raised! Until by our wisdom and our valor we have reclaimed our Lost, the rule of all Amicae shall be held by the Vigiles arm, under the direction of the Praetor, and held in trust for the people until peace return.

May the woven fate guard us, and may no thread fray in cowardice, selfishness, or sadism. In this path, the Vigiles Amicae must by the nine virtues prove again that we have the right and the worth to claim the destiny to which we are called.

In Strength - we meet under the banner of our bond, Solaceday Eight, in the month of Burningsky.

By my will and hand, Ariahdnia Z'Ress

-- Dispatched from the desk of the Legate Commander-General Brangwin

(( OOC note: there will be an in-character council meeting in the Hall, on July 8th, at 2pm CST ))

Nearly Midnight News July 3

"Welcome to tonight's Nearly Midnight News! Our sponsor tonight provided a cookie! So, in all kindness, we are giving what they paid for! Full Frontal Nudity! I found this troll about five minutes ago... *a troll walks in buck naked and cackling* Yes, we must thank said cookiegiver for their kind donation. I am sure they would like to push a product, but now will never associate with the NMN again!"

"In tonight's news, we have the very Illustrious Witches Union stepping forth with a complaint. They say, and I quote, "It's not fair, to call them sandwiches! Gives all a bad name! Grelda over there with the nose is actually a Hedgewitch, and deals not at all with sand! You must change the name!" When prompted further, there was general confusion and angst over who next would get public attention. In the end, they all turned each other into toads."

"In other news, the cleanup of Qeynos has gone swimmingly after the ill-chosen use of hammocks in place of all beds. It is recommended to test all walls by pushing really hard on them with a golem for stability. In a brief interview, the Crown had this to say, "OFF WITH HER HEAD!" We were not very thrilled."

"Afterwards, we met a cat, and decided someone had slipped us something at the last bar we were at. We decided to ride it out with a nice man with a lovely teaset."

"Interesting news from New Halas tonight! All guard dogs are to be replaced by guard cats! In a statement, the local in charge said "there was less sniffing of butts, and cats are far more independent." Research is underway to test this claim, as the NMN is fairly certain cats do not like to guard anything not related to food or sunbeams. In a related article, there has been a severe increase in the amount of people tripping over cats. Everyone is advised to watch their step, but not in a threatening way."

"In Freeport tonight, riots thought about starting, but then the mention of fines and jail came up. A crowd of fifty quickly dispersed in random directions at a fast walk. The NMN was able to track one man down, who pleaded we not say anything. His reasons were simple, "We jus' like ta break things, ya ken?" He is suspected of being in the Hooligan's Guild, a notorious group known for petty theft and vandalism. Rewards for any information are negligible."

"In sports tonight, the Rugby Association of Norrath has decided the tutu too agressive a uniform. Now, all teams will be issued overlarge pink smocks with matching mittens and headbands. This is hoped to end the violent rampages plaguing other sports."

"In a brief interlude, the NMN turns your attention back to the naked troll. Please stare in wonder at his or her elegant muscles, the fine line of pectorals and thighs. And then find better sponsors, or the troll will be a common theme."

“There has been a smattering of weather today, culminating into a personal raincloud over anyone who is feeling moody of down. It is advised to keep your distance, and even shun these people, lest it wears off onto you."

"It is a severe enough condition that even those who are always bright and happy are instantly affected, and turn dower and bitter. There is no saving them. Let them go. It  is for the best...so we are told."

"The NMN staff encountered a surprising interest in the Sands of Ro last night, and a group of rough, rowdy adventurers rabble roused their way through several dangerous places, including taking on a giant crocodile and several others."

Anyone noticing this group gathering again should show caution, as these adventurers were snarling and foaming at the mouth. We suspect dehydration, but we were among them. Clerics cleared us right up."

"Thank you for joining us for another night of the Nearly Midnight News!  am your host Folodu Amrunrosse, and this is a naked troll!"

Nearly Midnight News July 2

July 2

Draekimblebee says "*frees her hand and begins to cast thornskin on herself*"

Goblet says "*gets stuck by a few thorns with a cry and runs off with a small sack of cookies*"

Draekimblebee says "*stands up brushes off her clothes and fixes her ponytail* HMPH!"

Folodu: "*watches, aseembling a pile of paper with nothing written on them* Well that was special..."

Arquenniel says "/musters the Knights..."

Folodu: "Eep!"

Karmac says "mustards the knights? o-o "

Folodu: "Someone post bail! They're on to me!"

Goblet  says "Uh oh, The Knights are mustering! *grabs her spray paint and runs to Freeport*"

Karmac says "the knights are mustarding?"

Karmac says "are they hungry or something?"

"Welcometotonight'sNearlyMidnightNews! *seems almost panicked* *calms self visibly, taking a drink of brandy*"

"Welcome to tonight's edition of Nearly Midnight News. I am your host, Folodu. Our sponsors this evening are iksar Nasal Spray: good for the sinus. As in with all sponsors, we thoroughly test the product before placing an add, and let me tell you. The way this pure cayenne pepper powder helps you breath is FANTASTIC. Please make sure you use often and with care - not for use in adults over the age of 18."

"In tonight's news, we go go Qeynos and see how the first night of the Hammock Laws went. What we walked in on was devastation and chaos. It seems most buildings are not capable of supporting the pressure of so many hammocks pulling the walls in. Casualties are high tonight as work crews clear the rubble. One noted reporter was heard to have said the following, "Oh, oh my gods! the humanity!" We figure this was an insult to all elven cultures, and will now shun the city for the remainder of the newscast. We did not know anyone in the city anyways, so we figure this works out to having less travel expense, which is mostly scrounged from the breakroom couch."

"In etymology tonight, the pun has been cleared to function again as normal, but the use of simile comes into heavy question as people compare things, like apples and oranges."

"Asked why, leading Etymologist Brian Formsplitter gave the divisive opinion of "they are just too darned inconvenient to monitor! Strip 'em all! That'll teach em!" We took note, and stole three pens. Also, one pair of pants. We think we know who wants these."

"The Nearly Midnight News almost got stuck in New Halas tonight after a bad boating accident, which claimed the lives of an entire crew. We found the captain later in a tavern, drunker than a coldain boxing match. When asked what happened, the captain went on for two hours about some albino large sea mammal. The NMN investigated this claim, and found the man to be a drunk. Always smell your captain before casting off!"

"Elsewhere, in sports, the Timourous Deep Freestyle Walking team experienced tragedy after one of the more adventurous members said "Hey! Watch this!" and jumped a hundred yards into the central pool. The walker is in serious condition, but is expected to be back on his feet tomorrow."

"In religion tonight, Thulians declare their plans for the upcoming Nights of the Dead to be dreadful! Asked to comment further, they offered to show us by way of a convenient black bag. the NMN declined, and decided there were "better things to do."

"And on events, the Festival of Unity approaches! Get your unifying city colors together and knock back a drink or three with someone you might try to kill later! good fun is expected to be had by all, until the later arrives. The NMN will direct you to your nearest bookie - all bets will be held by the news until such time as we decide to be generous."

"Are the knights finally gone? *looks about* Whew! And that is the Nearly Midnight News! I am Folodu Amrunrosse, and please hide us when they come around!"

Nearly Midnight News July 1

Folodu says"Shall I give it five and make it the Actual Midnight News?"
Venduina says, "It's not midnight, you liar!"
Folodu says"Of course it isn't! But in my time zone it almost is"
Arquenniel says, "It is nearly midnight here"
Calliopy says, "Mine too "
Venduina says, "The only time zone that matters is mine. *nod* And mine says you're a liar liar pants on fire!"
Folodu says"Oh my! *runs around* Fire! Fire! The NMN studio is on fire! Help! AAARRGGhhhhh! *stops, drops, and flails*"
Venduina says, "*holds her unlit match, looking confused* “Don't look at me, I didn't get a chance to set anything on fire yet."
Folodu says"*blinks and looks around, blushing* “This was...a test. Yes! a test! you all fail! Except that one, who had the match ready to go."
Folodu says"*gets behind the desk made of anchors and shuffles some papers*"
Folodu says"Welcome to the Nearly Midnight News! Just before midnight, so cutting it very close!"
Folodu says"*tosses the papers into the air* Well, there is time. News over!"
Arquenniel says, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO /pouts"
Arquenniel says, "/writes orders and sends Knights to make sure we get NMN!"
Calliopy says, "but...but...i made popcorn!!"
Folodu says"*sighs and grabs a piece of fluttering paper* Very well."
Calliopy says, "*gulp* you better hurry, she looks serious :)"
Khimyra says, "Here I was going to offer up free drinks in my tavern for this..."
Arquenniel says, "/musters the ranks..."

"In tonight's news...*reads* Three gnomes were found dead! The forty emaciated companions about them were chanting some dialect of gnomish, that is roughly translated as "hunger strike! Hunger strike!" We began this not very certain why - so we sent NMN staff on location to putter about. The staff has yet to return - a memorial service will be held yesterday at three."

"While that was happening, further news agents were sent to investigate their grievances with the regent of Gnomeland Security. The following statements have been issued: "What do you mean, the focaltrotter is gone?", "What do you mean, strike? We don't strike! We foul!" Afterwards, we backed away slowly and decided that there was nothing going on."

"In further news, the Archbishop of Qeynosian Affairs has decided that it is just too much work keeping track of who beds who. The following edict has been issued: "Henceforth, there shall be no more beds in the Queendom - all sleeping surfaces shall be bedrolls or hammocks." "Asked to comment, the local inns cheered at the prospect of fitting more under their roofs. First hammocks are being hung tonight, and tomorrow shall see new profits."

"A new liquor law is being passed around Halas - anyone caught without liqour shall be banned from the city until this is rectified. At least, that is what the burly guy in the guard sounded like he said. Since then, NMN has taken to carrying around empty bottles and begging for a refill with any whom will stop long enough to sneeze."

"In sports today, the Maj'Dulian Triathlon team has officially given up on trying to ride giant guinea pigs. Asked why, they responded with "they caiman just keep eating em". Anyone willing to solve the caiman problem are instructed to not carry clocks, hooked hands, or giant hats."

"In a new study, it has been revealed tht the grass really -is- greener on the other side. Leading researchers point out that all grass grows on the ground, and so the grass in in fact greener in the sky. No proof has been shown, yet, and others in the field suspect gnomes are afoot."

"In a surprise move, the Knights of Freeport, the Just Arm of Lucan, Who Has Never Ever Bullied Us Or Anything, issues a new order seeking the arrest of NMN staff if any report is missed. The NMN responded with "nanny nanny boo boo". The maturity level has of course reached staggering heights among the illustrious news organization."

In literature today, the use of puns has been declined. Asked why, writers cite misuse and abuse, as well as bad allusion. There have also been vague reports of an overdraft on the commodity."

"In weather today, a cold front swept over the Commonlands, freezing many to the plain. A few swine raised there were also airborne for a brief time. We suspect something is up. Across Kunark, weather was balmy and "nice", if you are scaled, and downright unbearable for anyone not. Iksar made several jokes, most of which were off color. Antonica experienced no weather today, and are expected not to until it rains next, which might be in five minutes."

"NMN anchor Folodu Amrunrosse, an imposter, some say, has been cited with littering after giving something rather poisonous to a Froglok. The ticket states "failure to clean up after herself in a timely manner". Qeynos is not very kind - and NMN will gladly accept donations to help pay the fee."

“This is your host, mentioned above about tickets, with the Nearly Midnight News. Thank you for not making fun of us in the field."